Whitman Wire

Tony Talks: Farewell

Anthony Reale, Humor Editor
May 3, 2019

Long-term effects of Varsity Nordic’s 24-hour show begin to be seen

Anthony Reale, Scented Tracksuit
April 25, 2019

Influx of optimistic students breaks Whitties’ brains over Admitted Students’ Weekend

Anthony Reale, Babyback Lips
April 19, 2019

Seniors succumb to sophomore severity

Anthony Reale, Tender Loin
April 11, 2019

BREAKING: Out of jail for now, Whitman College CFO walks free

Anthony Reale, Chronic Spatula
April 7, 2019

Brave Whittie eats as many rocks as he possibly can during climbing trip over spring break

Anthony Reale, Infrequent Rock Toucher
April 3, 2019

Administration grants students a snow day!

Anthony Reale, Sigh Cook
March 7, 2019

OCS finally commits murder to get a student to go abroad

Anthony Reale, Decaffeinated Honeydew Officer
February 28, 2019

Bluewood excited to announce new technique for keeping students at P&P

Anthony Reale, Unofficial Bullhorn
February 24, 2019

Serious epidemic hits Whitman!

Anthony Reale, Campbell’s Rat Noodle Stew
February 14, 2019

Student Surveillance Soars to Sensational State!

Anthony Reale, Moistest Envelope Licker ’73
February 8, 2019

After Success of Chuck E. Cleaves, Board of Trustees and Administrators Look to the Seas for New Way to Drain Endowment

Anthony Reale, Can Opener’s Brother-in-Law
January 29, 2019

Penrose Library excited to light books on fire to keep the bathrooms hellishly warm during this winter season

Anthony Reale, Farm Animal
November 16, 2018

Is that the Hamburglar I just saw?

Anthony Reale, Dishwasher Enthusiast
November 6, 2018

Zumba Club Arrested Over Ritual Sacrifice Allegations

Anthony Reale, Dumpster City’s No. 1 Food Critic
October 25, 2018

Op-Ed: Satire & the Avoidance of Trauma

Anthony Reale, Humor Editor
October 21, 2018

Reid Airlines Takes Off!

Anthony Reale, Tooth Fairy’s Ex-Wife
October 8, 2018

All campus statues to be retrofitted with speakers that endlessly blast “Business to Learn”

Anthony Reale, Corbin Bleu Impersonator
September 28, 2018

Theatre reportedly not doing another musical for the next 400,000 years

Anthony Reale, Skrillex Apologist
September 24, 2018

TonyTalks: Welcome Back

Anthony Reale, Crab Polisher
September 23, 2018

Best of 2017-2018: That One Fucking Annoying Kid is Abroad This Semester

Anthony Reale, Sexy Prison Wife
May 3, 2018

Encounters Curriculum Shakedown!

Anthony Reale, Satan with a Lisp
April 26, 2018

Whitman Senior Fund Takes Sexy Turn

Anthony Reale, Guy Fieri’s Son
April 12, 2018

P&P Battens Down the Hatches as the White Feminists Approach, Rubbing their Hands Voraciously

Anthony Reale, Line Pusher
February 22, 2018

White Smoke Billows Out of the Climbing Gym; Crowds Eagerly Await Announcement of next Rock Pope

Anthony Reale, Mickey Shin’s Cheez-It Fetish
February 8, 2018

Apple Files for New Patent, Making Youths Screech

Anthony Reale, Technology Boi
January 30, 2018

Obituary: Class of 2021’s Individuality is Dead at 4 Months Old

Anthony Reale, Amateur Mortician
January 25, 2018

On Writing Satire

Anthony Reale, Satire Editor
December 5, 2017

Horoscope (As Coffee Drinks)

Callie Brown and Anthony Reale
December 5, 2017

Where are they now?

Anthony Reale, Sexy Memorial Hall Impersonator
November 16, 2017

Tonie Talks: Artisanal Apocalypse

Anthony Reale, Ironic Communist
November 9, 2017

“OP-ED:” I’m Angry and I Want to Yell Too!

Anthony Reale, Vegan Hunter
November 2, 2017

Who’s on Amazon’s Corporate Leash? Us.

Anthony Reale, Not an Egomaniacal Supervillain, That’s for Sure
October 25, 2017

Tony Talks: Have a Nice Trip, See You Next Autumn

Anthony Reale, Grand Chairman of All Scorpios
October 19, 2017

Tony Talks: Elon Musk is a Lizard

Anthony Reale, Satirist-in-Chief
October 4, 2017

Tywen and Martina received a roast!

Anthony Reale, Recently Fired Former Editor of the Satire Page
September 28, 2017

Tony Talks: Elevators and Extraterrestrials

Anthony Reale, Passionate Flautist Photographer
September 19, 2017

SCANDAL: OP’s Did It Again

Anthony Reale, McRib Apologist
September 11, 2017

Whitman First-Years Shut Down School

Anthony Reale, Garbage Collector of the Year, 2014
August 25, 2017

In Remembrance

Anthony Reale, Satire Editor
May 12, 2017

ComRADe: the Passionate Communism Housed Within Campus Skateboarding Culture

Anthony Reale, The Guy Who Would End Up a Cook if He Were Drafted
April 27, 2017

Whitman Trends

Anthony Reale, Crustacean Attorney
April 20, 2017

Bob Dylan Reluctantly Accepts Nobel Prize

Anthony Reale, Not a Squirrel Piloting a Human Suit
April 13, 2017

In the News this Week

Anthony Reale, MySpace Guru
April 6, 2017

Je Suis Sweden

Anthony Reale, Amateur LARPer
March 2, 2017

Disney Teaches Brutal Lesson about Global Warming by Shutting Down Club Penguin

Anthony Reale, News Retorter
February 23, 2017

Asteroid Heads Towards Earth, No One Cares

Anthony Reale, Professional Pessimist
February 23, 2017

Sean Spicer Returns Home, Dignity Intact

Anthony Reale, Mitchell’s BFF
February 16, 2017

Humor: Whitman Border Wall Reaches Completion

Anthony Reale, Eats His Vegetables
February 9, 2017

Where in the World is Lady Gaga’s Meat Dress?

Anthony Reale, Topiary By Day
January 28, 2017

Nate Silver To Be Burned At Stake For Incorrect Election Predictions

Anthony Reale, Tortilla Salesman
January 26, 2017

OP Introduces New Beginning Kayaking Trip in Reid Basement

Anthony Reale, Barometric Pressurer
January 26, 2017

The Distinct Importance of “Aesthetic” in My Life

Anthony Reale, Blogger
December 7, 2015

Ray’s Anatomy

Anthony Reale, Blogger
December 4, 2015

Meet Anthony

Anthony Reale, Blogger
December 2, 2015