Skip to Main Content
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Vol. CLVII
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Welcome to the Apocalypse!

Welcome to the Apocalypse!

Nicholas Pecora, Humor Writer May 14, 2025

Greetings strangers, and welcome to the Apocalypse! I know you’re probably thinking when am I going to wake up, or, what is all this, or, who the hell is this guy? Don’t be mistaken, this is not...

Organizing Against the Apocalypse

Kaitlyn Salazar, Science & Environment Editor May 14, 2025

Next time you're in a public library, art museum or university, thank a billionaire! The generous spirit of Andrew Carnegie, John D. Rockefeller, Cornelius Vanderbilt and the like continue to be an inspiration...

Whitman Majors as Arthur Characters

Carmel Stephan, Humor Writer May 14, 2025

Although it may seem like leading information of my personality, I promise I do not mention Arthur an irregular amount in my life. With that being said, I do have an almost encyclopedic knowledge of the...

Zombie Apocalypse Horoscopes

Zombie Apocalypse Horoscopes

Chloe Collins, Publisher May 14, 2025

Capricorn You tried to hold it together — rations, rotations, spreadsheets — but the weight of it all hit hard. You became a zombie at some undetermined hour, wandering quietly, contemplatively. Capricorn...

Obsession With the End of the World

Danny Pottharst, Sports Editor May 14, 2025

A sizable portion of my childhood was spent immersed in alternate apocalyptic realities. From the comfort of my room in the dim lamplight before bed, I fought in the Hunger Games, played the role of Receiver...

Ouroboros

AJ Johnson, Humor Writer May 14, 2025

Two snakes of Old coiled around a great Tree, waiting for the world to die. The larger of the pair, thicker than even the trunk of the Tree, had twisted itself around the roots in an impatient knot. The...

In the Future, I'm Killing for a Canned Burger

In the Future, I’m Killing for a Canned Burger

Isabel Mathy, Campus Life Reporter May 14, 2025

Long gone with industrial farming and the green revolution because the apocalypse will harbor a new wave of food for survivors. Doomsday preppers (or just preppers) have extensively thought about the possibilities...

To be filtered, strained, and preserved

Nazaaha Penick, Editor-in-Chief May 14, 2025

– (to be young, gifted, and black). So how to describe first the awareness? To look down and think, brown, to think black. One would believe that this kind of pain is baked in. Born wrong, or cursed....

Load More Stories