Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Vol. CLIV, Issue 4
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Conor Bartol, Humor Editor

Conor (he/him) is a senior physics-astronomy major with a creative writing minor. He worked as a humor writer for five semesters before becoming the humor editor in Fall 2023. He is thrilled to help produce topical and hilarious articles for the Wire.

All content by Conor Bartol

The Wire’s Humor’s Corrections

Conor Bartol, no take-backsies
December 7, 2023

Upward Together – Educational Dysfunction

Conor Bartol, connoisseur of only the classiest jokes
October 26, 2023

Psychoanalyzing my Spotify Wrapped

Conor Bartol, I’m a Freud this is the end
December 8, 2022

No-fail fun and funky fall crafts

Conor Bartol, Running with scissors (in defiance of the laws of God and man)
November 17, 2022

Horrifying reversal: A pumpkin is trying to carve me

Conor Bartol, What terrible fruit hath grown from the seed of evil
October 27, 2022

How to celebrate Rocktober right

Conor Bartol, It’s rock-o-clock baby
October 20, 2022
How to spot an impostor Wire writer

How to spot an impostor Wire writer

Conor Bartol, a real employee who definitely works here
October 5, 2022
Illustration by Eleanor Amer.

An interview with President Bolton: the complete unredacted version

Conor Bartol, It’s not a tin foil hat, it’s an aluminum chapeau
September 29, 2022
Illustration by Keeli McKern.

King Charles’ reign contested by kid pulling sword from stone

Conor Bartol, Author of "Robin Hood vs. Godzilla" (not yet published)
September 22, 2022
Illustration by Anna Stone.

No summer plans? Here’s some good last-minute options

Conor Bartol, So long, farewell, you see later, alligator
May 5, 2022
Illustration by Anna Stone.

Major ASWC election voter fraud ring uncovered

Conor Bartol, Forming a Super PAC and needs contributions
April 28, 2022
Illustration by Kimberly Auran.

Make Your Own Humor Article!

Conor Bartol, A(n) [adjective] [noun]
April 7, 2022
Illustration by Kimberly Auran.

The forgotten history of Whitman’s space program

Conor Bartol, Bad At Making Fake Acronyms (B.A.M.F.)
April 1, 2022

Love is(n’t) in the air: Tips for overcoming your post-Valentine’s Day disappointment

Conor Bartol, Call 1-800-LUV-SICK: good relationship advice in 5 minutes or your money back!
February 17, 2022
Illustration by Kimberly Auran.

Whitman prepares for online “Metaverse” classes

Conor Bartol, No I haven’t read Snow Crash, why do you ask?
February 10, 2022

Whitman holiday celebration goes wrong

Conor Bartol, Takes great satisfaction telling people “see you next year!” on December 31st
December 9, 2021

Whitman alters COVID protocol

Conor Bartol, Used car lot inflatable wavy noodle understudy
December 2, 2021
Illustration by Shasta Soles.

Local vigilantes wage war on bicycle-wheel thieves

Conor Bartol, Mild-Mannered "Reporter"
November 11, 2021
Illustration by Eli Rodriguez.

Tips and tricks for family weekend

Conor Bartol, The Big Cheese ‘Round These Parts
October 21, 2021

Horses demand their dewormer from anti-vaxxers

Conor Bartol, Ass-half of the two-person horse costume
September 23, 2021
The mythic tale of the Whitman tree climber: A true history

The mythic tale of the Whitman tree climber: A true history

Conor Bartol, found this story in a hidden passage under the library 
May 16, 2021
Illustration by Nick Rogers.

Duckling Do’s and Don’ts

Conor Bartol, Proud Time-Traveler since 2045
April 22, 2021
Illustration by Kiara Paninos.

Georgia voter suppression bill reaching new lows

Conor Bartol, Starch Advocate for Potatoes
April 9, 2021

The Wire sold to Jeff Bezos

Conor Bartol, Be seeing you around 
April 1, 2021
Illustration by Elie Flanagan.

Things to be thankful for

Conor Bartol, Space Cowboy
November 25, 2020
Illustration by Elie Flanagan.

Children develop candy E-trading for Halloween 2020

Conor Bartol, Peanut Allergy: Will Trade Payday for Cheap
November 5, 2020

What is NASA hiding on the moon?

Conor Bartol, Quarantine isn’t getting to me, why do you ask?
October 29, 2020
Illustration by Anika Vucicevic.

Students vanish in Zoom breakout rooms

Conor Bartol, Toothpaste Skeptic
October 15, 2020
Illustration by Allyson Kim.

Disney announces “Star Wars: Babies”

Conor Bartol, Voyager to Lands Unknown
September 17, 2020
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