Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Illustration by Keeli McKern.

Auntie Lee’s winter break survival kit

Lee Thomas, fortified with essential vitamins and minerals December 8, 2022

Maybe you're a first-year who had your first "returning home" experience over Thanksgiving break or you're a student who stayed in Walla Walla for the break specifically to avoid "The Parents." But...

Break reminder: high school wasn’t about the friends you made along the way

Carmel Stephan, I had friends in high school I promise December 8, 2022

If you went home over Thanksgiving break to visit your family, you probably ended up helping in the kitchen, and you may have needed something from the store. In the small, local store, you may have spotted...

Illustration by M Hu.

Illegal? Student orders Domino’s to Penrose Library

Grace Canny, prefers not to comment on people's food habits but… December 8, 2022

Whitman Security was called to Penrose Library sometime after 8 p.m. on Dec. 7 to handle a report of a serious disturbance and violation of campus rules. A physical altercation ensued between a Domino's...

Local humor writer getting real lazy with his articles

Ian Lewis, local humor writer December 8, 2022

The Wire can now confirm that at least one of its humor writers is getting really lazy with his articles. Whether by beginning several articles with “The Wire can confirm” or by simply restating the...

BREAKING: New Super Mario Bros. Movie trailer has dropped

Samantha Fitts, hot and ready in under 15 minutes December 8, 2022

Well, you know what time it is. Samantha has to make fun of Chris Pratt for another 350+ words because a new trailer for this forsaken movie has dropped. I wonder what she’ll say about Italians this...

Psychoanalyzing my Spotify Wrapped

Conor Bartol, I’m a Freud this is the end December 8, 2022

This is the time of year where everyone shares their Spotify Wrapped, but I’m not stopping there. Behold, for your entertainment and edification, my top five songs of 2022 as a guide to my labyrinthian...

No-fail fun and funky fall crafts

Conor Bartol, Running with scissors (in defiance of the laws of God and man) November 17, 2022

Are you plagued by inadequacy in the kitchen? Do you wield a turkey baster with the same finesse as a garden hose? Are you unable to contribute to a Thanksgiving feast with culinary skill? Fret not!...

No Nut November front-runner exposed for performance-enhancing drugs

Lee Thomas, Existentialism in the front, absurdism in the back November 17, 2022

This week, leading No Nut November (NNN) competitor Michael "Mike" Okhard was kicked off the leaderboard after a blood test revealed he was using performance-enhancing steroids, such as fluoxetine and...

RA manages to recruit new RA and free self from curse

Ian Lewis, Walking wounded November 17, 2022

  In a small win for Resident Assistants (RAs) everywhere, a Stanton Hall RA has managed to convince a resident to become a new RA. This thereby frees her from the ancient blood curse trapping...

The definitive answer to when you can listen to holiday music

The definitive answer to when you can listen to holiday music

Carmel Stephan, The Grinch November 17, 2022

November is upon us, and with its arrival, comes the age-old question: when is it appropriate to start listening to winter holiday music? Some eccentrics begin listening the second September rolls...

North Hall still exists, apparently

Ian Lewis, resident resident November 10, 2022

To the shock of the entire Whitman community, The Wire can now confirm, after months of diligent research, that it appears that North Hall still exists. Despite Whitman sources being “pretty sure”...

Illustration by Megan Suka.

Counseling Center offers support group for students encountering professors outside campus

Lee Thomas, Currently avoiding multiple professors November 10, 2022

Students-Outside-Observing-Professors Therapy, Encouragement and Affinity (SOOP TEA) is the Whitman Counseling Center's newest support group. It is designed to address the difficulties experienced by students...

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