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Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Vol. CLVI, Issue 2
  • February 15WOMEN'S BASKETBALL DOMINATES PACIFIC U 80-56 / KORIN BAKER BREAKS CAREER HIGH IN POINTS!
  • February 15MEN'S BASKETBALL TRIUMPH OVER PACIFIC U ON SENIOR NIGHT! FINAL SCORE: 76-67
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Coping with Rejection: My Dad Doesn’t Like My Articles

AJ Johnson, proud middle child to two middle children February 15, 2025

I like to think my sharp wit and keen insights are a gift from on high, a token of favor from the powers that be. Unfortunately, my penchant for the written word is not a talent from within, but instead,...

Snapshot of a Seminar

Snapshot of a Seminar

Olivia Banuelos, College Dropout February 15, 2025

My palms clam up as I sit down in my 11 a.m. My fellow classmates are preying on my downfall. I can feel it.  I can already hear the slew of “I would like to piggyback off of that” ringing...

"Crowspiracy!": Elaborate Corvid Plot Uncovered

“Crowspiracy!”: Elaborate Corvid Plot Uncovered

Ben Sherry, Totally Not a Crow (caw) February 15, 2025

The Wire has continued its due diligent job to bring these peculiar stories to light this year. But none have been as unreal as this story. One may be tempted to call what we have seen a conspiracy,...

Find the Frat Boy: An Interactive Game

Find the Frat Boy: An Interactive Game

Meghan Kearney, channeling Vanna White February 15, 2025

Welcome to The Wire’s first ever interactive game! Here, you will find six questions and four interviewees. One of these interviewees is secretly a frat boy. Based on the following questions and...

Christmas in Ye Olde South Dakota

AJ Johnson, the other midwestern princess February 6, 2025

Whenever I’m asked the question, “Where are you from?” I mutter a quick “Midwest…” and pray the conversation moves on without me. It’s not a lie, exactly, but the whole truth is far worse...

The Problem Wasn’t Using ChatGPT––It Was the Email You Sent When Caught

The Problem Wasn’t Using ChatGPT––It Was the Email You Sent When Caught

Meghan Kearney, Real Bot February 6, 2025

“Dear Professor, I am so sorry that I was using ChatGPT. [Insert mental health excuse]. It will never happen again.” It’s the third week of the semester, and you’ve already gotten an...

Universities urge Kindergarteners to start building resumes

Universities urge Kindergarteners to start building resumes

Olivia Banuelos, Admissions Officer February 6, 2025

Top universities across the United States reveal a new caliber for the admissions process after requiring more field experience prerequisites on top of an outstanding academic performance and extracurriculars....

Injuries, injunctions and juries: a guide to justice in Intramural sports

Injuries, injunctions and juries: a guide to justice in Intramural sports

Nick Pecora, High School Basketball Referee February 6, 2025

Have you ever struck out in kickball? Has it ever taken 45 minutes to start a 20-minute game? Have you ever been yelled at by an idiot? Intramural sports can have all sorts of pitfalls and shitballs,...

Your Guide to Every Stain Type on Campus Sofas

Arham Khan, couch sniffer November 21, 2024

Ah, campus sofas—the unspoken horror of student lounges. These couches have seen more than you could ever imagine. So let’s explore the fabric of their character. The Mystery Moist Spot This...

Tis' The Season (for last's years decor)

Tis’ The Season (for last’s years decor)

Hunter Tucker, Arch Nemesis of the HOA November 21, 2024

  Nobody wants to take their decorations down right after Christmas. You’re floating happily in a post-holiday haze, still slightly drunk on eggnog and stuffed full of glazed ham. After a...

How One Course Became the Most Important for Every Major

How One Course Became the Most Important for Every Major

Ben Sherry, Busy Learning about LinkedIn Accounts November 21, 2024

The Wire has recently been investigating a strange yet profound change in the Whitman curriculum. Unlike many other course additions which are given a fanfare of emails into just about everyone’s...

The Five Freshmen You’ll Meet at Whitman

The Five Freshmen You’ll Meet at Whitman

AJ Johnson, Over the word count November 21, 2024

Readers, I have a terrible confession to make. The truth is, despite my wisdom and grace… I’m a freshman. I know very little of adult life; I was flung straight from the womb into Whitman. I’ve...

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