Sammy Fitts, Assigned to Butter Your Muffin.
• December 9, 2021
Whitman’s annual holiday party was wrought with many problems, but none was more devastating than the Christian outrage caused by events which occurred on Ankeny field. And no, I’m not talking about...
Lee Thomas, sexy even without a mustache
• December 9, 2021
This week, the College released a statement banning all future White Elephant and Secret Santa events organized for students in response to an actual elephant running rampant across campus. Residence...
Ben Kearney, Not so holly jolly now
• December 9, 2021
A traditional Whitman holiday party went off the rails last week, with blame falling heavily on the former child star Macaulay Culkin. In an attempt to “up the holiday spirit,” Nancy Mitchell, retiring...
Carmel Stephan, does NOT have a thing for feet
• December 9, 2021
'Twas the night before break and inside the campus was a feast of such splendor eyes bulged out of their canthus. A fire was lit and crackled with laughter, festive music played and on the tv was Shrek...
Conor Bartol, Takes great satisfaction telling people “see you next year!” on December 31st
• December 9, 2021
Editor’s Note: Recently, a group of 3-2 engineering students built their own snow machine as a pre-winter solstice celebration project. They activated it on the Reid lawn, hoping for snowball fights...
Conor Bartol, Used car lot inflatable wavy noodle understudy
• December 2, 2021
Following students’ return to campus after break, Whitman has announced several changes in COVID protocol. Following “recent federal guidelines and recommendations,” these rules are going into effect...
Sammy Fitts, Selling bathwater at www.pleaseimdesperate.com
• December 2, 2021
Nov. 22 2021
Actress and Youtuber Belle Delphine purchased the Apollo Del Belvedere from the Vatican Palace, a statue portraying the Greco-Roman god Apollo famous for being used by white supremacists...
Ben Kearney, Is this even legal?
• December 2, 2021
Signed into effect by the Board Of Trustees at 6:09a.m., Nov. 25, 2021.
Purpose & History
On Sept. 12 2017, the Board of Trustees authorized the ban of all fireworks across Whitman College...
Rachel Husband, Writing against the will of God
• December 2, 2021
Pete Davidson, comedian, SNL star and talking blond bag of tattooed weasels, has recently confirmed his relationship with socialite and businesswoman Kim Kardashian, reaffirming the widespread conception...
Lee Thomas, the Evil Lee Thomas
• December 2, 2021
As we enter the gift giving season and start pondering what to hurriedly stuff in a box for our loved ones, something that purrs or barks may come to mind as a possible option. It's so convenient and hassle-free...
Earlier this month it was announced that esteemed Mario voice actor, Chris Pratt, would also be the voice of America’s favorite orange cat: Heathcliff- I mean Garfield. There is obviously one major problem...
Ben Kearney, Checking my Emails constantly came in clutch
• November 18, 2021
An email leak from the Presidential Search Committee has accidentally revealed a surprise candidate in the race for Whitman's new president. While prospective applicants' identities were supposed to remain...
