Lee Thomas, fortified with essential vitamins and minerals
• December 8, 2022
Maybe you're a first-year who had your first "returning home" experience over Thanksgiving break or you're a student who stayed in Walla Walla for the break specifically to avoid "The Parents." But...
Carmel Stephan, I had friends in high school I promise
• December 8, 2022
If you went home over Thanksgiving break to visit your family, you probably ended up helping in the kitchen, and you may have needed something from the store. In the small, local store, you may have spotted...
Grace Canny, prefers not to comment on people's food habits but…
• December 8, 2022
Whitman Security was called to Penrose Library sometime after 8 p.m. on Dec. 7 to handle a report of a serious disturbance and violation of campus rules. A physical altercation ensued between a Domino's...
The Wire can now confirm that at least one of its humor writers is getting really lazy with his articles. Whether by beginning several articles with “The Wire can confirm” or by simply restating the...
Samantha Fitts, hot and ready in under 15 minutes
• December 8, 2022
Well, you know what time it is. Samantha has to make fun of Chris Pratt for another 350+ words because a new trailer for this forsaken movie has dropped. I wonder what she’ll say about Italians this...
Conor Bartol, I’m a Freud this is the end
• December 8, 2022
This is the time of year where everyone shares their Spotify Wrapped, but I’m not stopping there. Behold, for your entertainment and edification, my top five songs of 2022 as a guide to my labyrinthian...
Conor Bartol, Running with scissors (in defiance of the laws of God and man)
• November 17, 2022
Are you plagued by inadequacy in the kitchen? Do you wield a turkey baster with the same finesse as a garden hose? Are you unable to contribute to a Thanksgiving feast with culinary skill?
Fret not!...
Lee Thomas, Existentialism in the front, absurdism in the back
• November 17, 2022
This week, leading No Nut November (NNN) competitor Michael "Mike" Okhard was kicked off the leaderboard after a blood test revealed he was using performance-enhancing steroids, such as fluoxetine and...
In a small win for Resident Assistants (RAs) everywhere, a Stanton Hall RA has managed to convince a resident to become a new RA. This thereby frees her from the ancient blood curse trapping...
November is upon us, and with its arrival, comes the age-old question: when is it appropriate to start listening to winter holiday music? Some eccentrics begin listening the second September rolls...
To the shock of the entire Whitman community, The Wire can now confirm, after months of diligent research, that it appears that North Hall still exists.
Despite Whitman sources being “pretty sure”...
Lee Thomas, Currently avoiding multiple professors
• November 10, 2022
Students-Outside-Observing-Professors Therapy, Encouragement and Affinity (SOOP TEA) is the Whitman Counseling Center's newest support group. It is designed to address the difficulties experienced by students...
