The following article is authorized as a public service announcement for the greater Whitman College public consciousness. It is approved by numerous organizations making a part of it including the Whitman College Committee for Conflict De-escalation. The short and simple of it is this: Please stop leaving your cardboard waste out.
For several semesters, Whitman College students have failed to address their increasing excess of cardboard recycling waste. Despite the efforts of many RAs and RDs throughout the years, excesses of cardboard remain exceptionally high for a consistent period of time post-COVID. This has resulted in a number of health and safety hazards that continue to plague Whitman College, most concerning of all being the escalation of the Nut Wars.
For those unaware, the Nut Wars are a series of conflicts that occur between the various squirrel populations of Walla Walla for the rare resources that are nuts. Whitman College in particular has become a bold frontline due to its prominent quantity and quality of nuts, which are probably the best in the country (maybe). And with the excess of cardboard waste, their battles are no longer confined to the trees and bushes.
Just yesterday, we encountered a student who has seen how this has intensified the Nut Wars.
“I saw a couple of squirrels dragging an Amazon box out from our bin,” he began in our interview. “I followed the little guys out, only to find they made this huge castle of cardboard just outside Lyman, and before I knew it a bunch of cardboard spears were being thrown on it from another cardboard fort just beside Jewett Cafe. It was crazy, man.”
From this and other reports, it is all but confirmed that due to rising laziness relating to dealing with cardboard that the Nut Wars shall continue to amplify in both their intensity and scale. That is, unless you, yes you, can work to better attend to your recycling. Tend to your scheduled recycling days, minimize your waste and ensure it is not thrown into the endlessly cruel machine of war!