Psychoanalyzing my Spotify Wrapped

Conor Bartol, I’m a Freud this is the end

This is the time of year where everyone shares their Spotify Wrapped, but I’m not stopping there. Behold, for your entertainment and edification, my top five songs of 2022 as a guide to my labyrinthian psyche.

1. “midnight sun” – Nilüfer Yanya

This reveals my poetic melancholy, which makes me a mysterious, mindful and mature fellow. While my life is mundane, I dramatize the smallest inconveniences to support my mildly somber and thoughtful demeanor. Mostly, this means I need to get out more.

2. “Don’t Dream It’s Over” – Crowded House

This 1986 classic shows my romantic and optimistic soul in the face of struggles both personal and worldwide. I don’t know what it means to “catch the deluge in a paper cup,” but damn if this song doesn’t make me smile. Some say it’s too old school, but I’m not ashamed of my music taste, no sir.

3. “All Star – Owl City Remix” – Smash Mouth, Owl City

I take it back; this one is embarrassing. Clearly I yearn for the late aughts, back when I lacked sufficient brain development to comprehend the often hellish reality of this universe. Also, I may like Shrek more than I thought? This requires further study.

4. “Static on the Radio” – Jim White, Aimee Mann, M. Ward, Joe Henry

Short version: I finished “El Camino” and was pretending to be Jesse Pinkman. Long version: My fixation with this character and his suffering speaks to an internalized masochism, which, left unchecked, will have me committing crimes with my high school chemistry teacher within the year. A cause for serious concern.

5. “Baby Blu” – Nilüfer Yanya

Closing out the top five is another catchy tune — a breakup song at that. Since I’m not breaking up with anyone romantically, this indicates a loss of attachment elsewhere in my life. I think it is my email correspondents (I am bad at responding in a timely manner).

And that’s all, folks. Now that I’ve bared my warped mind to the world, I have no choice but to go into shameful exile. Take care, my friends. If you see me around next year, know that I am just a figment of your imagination.