Admitted Students Weekend is coming up, which means gaggles of teenagers running around, gawking at people and asking silly questions like “what’s your major” and “why is that horse made of sticks?” Over my time at this school I’ve learned a few rules for navigating social encounters with admitted students with grace and tact. Here is my advice:

DO show them around campus. Make sure to point out all your second favorite spots to hang out (you don’t want them taking your first place spots).

DON’T give them directions. It’s not a large campus, they can figure it out for themselves. You may draw a crude map on a Cleve napkin if that is required.

DO tell them about your favorite classes and professors. That’s the kind of information they need to know during registration.

DON’T tell them to sign up for Art 115: Beginning Drawing. I need my fine arts credits and I can’t have those pipsqueaks taking up my seat.

DO acquaint them with all of our extensive and interesting duck lore. It’s what gives our campus and community its unique charm.

DON’T baptize them in Lakum Duckum. It’s rude, unsanitary and probably sacrilegious. Also, the ducks are trained to bite.

DO show them kindness. The transition from high school to college is a difficult and important one, and they can use all the support you can give them.

DON’T get attached. Not all of them will commit to Whitman, and of those who do, only some will want to hang out with you. Especially after you tried to baptize them in that duck pond.

Follow these rules and you’ll certainly leave admitted students with an accurate impression of Whitman. And above all else, remember: If an admitted student won’t stop hounding you, just hit them with a “boo!” and they’ll run right off. They’re more scared of you than you are of them.