Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Vol. CLIV, Issue 10
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Hazing Horror: New Frat Pledges Made To Watch OP Climbing Wall Video On Repeat

Illustration by Mikayla Kelly

In yet another scandalous revelation surrounding Greek Life, an anonymous source has disclosed that a fraternity’s hazing practices have taken a sinister turn. The new pledges, eager to prove their worth and join the ranks of their brothers, have been subjected to a torture so vile, so unbearable, that it makes the traditional sleep deprivation and excessive drinking seem like a walk in the park.

The hazing ritual in question? Forcing the pledges to watch the Outdoor Program’s climbing wall instructional video on repeat. Yes, you read that right. The poor, unsuspecting pledges are locked in a room with nothing but a screen and speakers, playing the same monotonous video over and over again.

“It’s like being stuck in a never-ending loop of mediocrity,” one traumatized pledge confessed. 

The video, which has been described as a cure for insomnia by some and a form of psychological warfare by others, features footage so dull that even the most dedicated climbers would rather free solo El Capitan than sit through it once.

“We thought it would be a fun way to introduce the pledges to the world of outdoor activities,” the fraternity’s social chair claimed, with a smirk that suggested otherwise. “Plus, it’s a great way to weed out the weak. If they can’t handle a little instructional video, how will they survive our annual Winter Beer Mile?”

As the news of this twisted hazing practice spreads across campus, students are left wondering what other horrors await future pledges. Rumor has it that the fraternity is already planning to replace the climbing wall video with a 24-hour loop of the OP’s new “How to Pack a Backpack” tutorial. Having memorized every line in the video, the pledges will join the climbing gym instructors as veterans of this form of torture made popular by the CIA.

In the meantime, the Whitman community can only hope that the pledges will emerge from this ordeal with their sanity intact, having generated thousands in ad revenue for the Whitman College Outdoor Program YouTube channel. 

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