Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Vol. CLIV, Issue 10
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

New ASWC-Affiliated Corruption Club

ASWC has dedicated years to ensuring that clubs stay free of corruption, from crafting bylaws to hosting Senate meetings where senators vote on whether clubs fit the requirements and ethical expectations to be ASWC-affiliated and funded. 

“A club is corrupt when a Finance Chair of ASWC decides to triple the amount allocated to the club without other senators knowing,” says ASWC President Basil Shevtsov. While this statement may sound like a reminder to maintain transparency, accountability and ethical standards within the student government, it is actually part of his proposal for a new ASWC-affiliated club: Corruption Club.

After receiving a standing ovation from ASWC senators, who possess a deeper understanding of ASWC finances compared to the average student and can utilize this knowledge effectively for corruption, the club was swiftly voted into affiliation. This occurred with no opposition since no one else shows up to Senate meetings.

Run by the ASWC President and Chair of Finance, Corruption Club is dedicated to using ASWC funds for unnecessary vacations and paying people to complete the club members’ homework, ensuring that their grades are kept up while the club members are relaxing on beaches in the Bahamas or exploring the streets of Paris.

When the Corruption Club members are not traveling around the world, ASWC is paying for their groceries and rent, and the occasional tuition fee, all thanks to the ASWC Senators’ (aka Corruption Club members) dedication to signing off on any requested funds and bribing any administrator who takes notice.

If Corruption Club sounds interesting to you and you’re now hoping to join — don’t bother. Despite the expectation that anyone can join an ASWC-Affiliated club, Corruption Club selectively admits only friends, promoting nepotism and creating an environment where any other prospective members are made to feel as unwelcome as possible until they give up.

Realistically, your only shot at joining the club is to run in the upcoming ASWC elections. However, your competition would be the current ASWC members (aka Corruption Club members), who would be running together as a unified party. Additionally, their friends will likely be the only ones voting, and as we have learned from last year’s election along with the success of Corruption Club, nepotism beats integrity.

Disclaimer: Meghan Kearney was denied membership into Corruption Club – and lost last year’s ASWC election for Finance Chair.

Editor’s note: Meghan Kearney is in fact the ASWC Communications Chair.

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