Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Lust, Actually: A 20 year late review

Carmel Stephan, film buff December 7, 2023

Truth be told, I watch a lot of romance. With that said, it’s surprising I hadn’t seen the 2003 holiday hit, Love, Actually, until last week.  I wasn’t expecting much, but was open to liking...

Illustration by Jonah Rosen-Bloom

Interview with the bridge trolls of College Creek

George Groebner, unprofessional cryptozoologist December 7, 2023

Experts can now confirm that the College Creek footbridges, acclaimed for their two-person traffic jams, are also the abodes of several bridge trolls. News of these cryptids’ discovery has spread...

Navigating the STEM Wilderness: An English Major’s Struggle for Survival

Meghan Kearney, David Attenborough in liberal-arts form December 7, 2023

Ah, Whitman College; it is here we find ourselves in the heart of academia, observing the fascinating ecosystem of a liberal arts college. Amidst the lush intellectual foliage, we discover a particular...

The Wire’s Humor’s Corrections

Conor Bartol, no take-backsies December 7, 2023

Hi Readers, We here at the Humor section may joke around, but we take our work very seriously. Despite our best efforts, we have made many factual errors and lapses in journalistic ethics this semester....

Illustration by Jonah Rosen-Bloom

Whitman Sign Switcher brought into custody

George Groebner, mild-mannered alter ego November 16, 2023

After being eluded for months, Whitman Security has finally apprehended the Sign Switcher, the shadowy mischief-maker responsible for the replacement of campus signs with other campus signs. Interrogation...

Walla Walla Enneagram

Carmel Stephan, Psychological analyst November 16, 2023

For those who may not know, there is a magical thing called the enneagram, and it categorizes all personalities into 9 types. Fill this out and you’ll discover your enneagram type!       1.  I...

Illustration by Gus Colwell

Tips for navigating Thanksgiving dinner

Grace Canny, cranberry jelly lover November 16, 2023

The week we get off at the end of November always comes at the right time: when you are literally falling apart. So why would anyone want to spend one of those precious days traversing the harrowing...

Why Women Shouldn’t Be Funny

Meghan Kearney, “Humor” Writer November 16, 2023

Someone should fire me, and preferably a man.  I initially applied as a humor writer for The Wire with the aim of joining the feminist cause, challenging the long-running stereotype that women aren’t...

You heard of teenage girls in their 20s, how about preteen boys in their 50s?

Carmel Stephan, I’m talking about your dad November 9, 2023

Hashtags on TikTok cemented the phrase “teenage girls in their 20s” to describe the current 2000s trends of low rise jeans, Twilight core and the Jonas Brothers going back on tour. But you know what...

Being a NARP around ARPs

Meghan Kearney, board-certified NARP November 9, 2023

My evenings typically begin with my daily trek across Ankeny towards Cleve. The sun is setting, the ducks are quacking and unbeknownst to me, a frisbee comes hurling towards my head with a sweaty player...

Illustration by Kai Bowen

What I’m building with all these bike tires

Grace Canny, artist (officially fulfilled my art distribution) November 9, 2023

If you take a walk around campus, you might see a lot of bikes. If you keep walking around campus, you might see a lot of bikes without tires. And if you looked in my garage, you might see it full...

Illustration by Gus Cowell

Freeze rays cause controversy, shivering

George Groebner, fastest draw in the southeast central Pacific Northwest November 9, 2023

“What’s cooler than being cool? ICE COLD!” –Andre 3000   As Whitman finds itself in the throes of the seemingly implacable freeze ray trend, Mr. 3000’s poignant words take on...

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