End of indoor mask mandate a massive blow to people who make silly faces under their masks

Conor Bartol, Gifted with Inconvenient Prophecy

The recent announcement that Washington State’s indoor mask mandate is ending on March 12 has concerned many. The pandemic is ongoing, and it is possible that the end of the mandate is premature and could expose the vulnerable and immunocompromised to undue risk. However, another group has also come out against the end of the mandate: people who use their masks to hide their silly expressions.

“I’ve gotten used to hiding the lower half of my face,” said one concerned anonymous citizen. “I go through all the goofy expressions, one after the other, all day long. I stick my tongue out, I grimace, I bare my teeth, I purse my lips, I do it all. If people knew about my expressions, I’m scared that they would judge me.”

Masks have other benefits as well. Said one man, “When people talk about ‘say it, don’t spray it,’ they’re talking about me. My saliva escapes from my mouth like nobody’s business. I’m talking drops of spit jumping out of there like fleas jumping off a dog’s ass. I’m talking Old Faithful in there, geysers and stuff, it’s like a geological event. I’m talking

He went on like this for at least fifteen minutes. He only stopped because his mask was completely soaked. Clearly he wasn’t lying about the spitting thing.

So what are these people to do? Well, no one is stopping them from continuing to wear their masks. But what about when the pandemic is over? What will they do then? How will they conceal their silly faces and copious amounts of mouth-slime from the world?

They could simply stop their behavior, they could hold their hands in front of their mouths all the time, they could even wear a helmet 24/7, Daft Punk style.

However, one anonymous person may have the best solution.

“I am who I am, and I’m not gonna change that. If people can’t handle my goofy grins and silly smiles, then that’s their problem.” I’m inclined to agree with them. So know, next time you see me with a mask on, underneath it I am making the wackiest, zaniest face you ever did see.