Things to be thankful for

Conor Bartol, Space Cowboy

Now is a time for us to give thanks, no matter how hard this year has been. So, here are some of the things I’m thankful for today.

Backpacks B-Gone

High school left me with a lot of memories, and probably some minor spinal injuries from carrying around a bag of books all day. But with everything online, there is no need for backpacks. I am thankful that I no longer injure myself with the burden of heavy textbooks, and instead injure myself with contorted posture from my Zoom classes.

Good Chums, Old and New

I’m so grateful to all of my old friends and to all of the new friends I’ve made as a first year at Whitman. Hanging out online with one’s buddies is a great way to spend time, and I’ve received some real nice emails from my new friends, asking me thoughtful questions about my name, birthday and social security number.

Illustration by Elie Flanagan.

An Uneventful Halloween

A full moon, on Halloween, in 2020? I was sure there was trouble a-brewing, but I was relieved to find it was a downright boring holiday. There were no dark rituals, no portals to the demon dimension and none of the Great Old Ones returned. All in all, it was a delightfully mundane time, and I’m grateful for that.

No Turkey Uprising

Eating turkey is a traditional Thanksgiving activity, but imagine if the dinner tables were turned and the turkeys ate you! Perhaps in another universe turkeys are the dominant species, and every Thanksgiving they have a human for their meal. Let us be thankful, then, that we dodged that evolutionary bullet. Turkeys don’t eat us, and that will never change… I hope.

Working at The Wire

If I may conclude with a bit of sincerity, writing for The Wire this semester has been a real joy, and I’m thankful for the opportunity and for all the great people I’ve met here. Unfortunately, I have received a message from the mothership. My mission on Earth has come to its end, and I must away. I bid farewell and good fortune to you all.