An interview with the fly that landed on Mike Pence’s head

Conor Bartol, House Fly Whisperer

Thank you for speaking with me today. Would you like to introduce yourself?

Hello, my name is Gus. I am a fly, and I landed on Mike Pence’s head during the Vice-Presidential debate.

About that, why did you land on Pence? Was it a political statement?

Look, we flies like garbage and crap, and who’s more full of bullcrap than a politician, am I right? [Chuckles]. Seriously, though, I was just looking for a place to rest my wings for a minute, not making a statement. It was pretty weird, though. I had the feeling that he knew I was there and was watching me somehow. Gave me the heebie-jeebies. Not someone I’d land on again.

How are you liking the spotlight?

It’s unexpected, for sure, but a blast. All my little maggots thought it was pretty great that their old man got on TV! I’m a bit of a celebrity around the old trash can.

Illustration by Lily Buller.

So, do you have any interest in politics whatsoever? Do you plan on voting?

No way, what have politicians ever done for us insects, other than crush us? Then again, what have they ever done for you humans, eh? As for voting, I’m not even old enough, and I’ll be dead before the election. Truth is, none of this stuff is relevant for insects. Life is just eating trash, laying eggs and trying not to get swatted or eaten by a bird.

Anything else before we wrap up?

Look, I’ve only got about a day and a half left to live. I’m getting back to the maggots so we can spend some quality time before I expire. Oh, and do us a solid and leave your trash can lids off. A rotten banana peel is one of the joys of life, don’t rob us of that.

Well, thank you for your time, Gus.

You, too. I gotta fly.

Good one. Wait! Oh, [expletive].

Following this interview, Gus was instinctively swatted by an anonymous Whitman Wire employee, dying instantly. The Wire sends its most sincere condolences to Gus’ wife Helen and their 653 maggots.