Bob Dylan Reluctantly Accepts Nobel Prize

Anthony Reale, Not a Squirrel Piloting a Human Suit

Bob Dylan reluctantly swung by the Nobel Prize Office during a tour stop in Stockholm, Switzerland to pick up his Nobel Prize in Literature over April Fool’s Day weekend.

Although many think of Dylan as a ‘cool cucumber,’ the famous singer-songwriter was neither cool nor cucumbery in his acceptance of the award.

“He just seemed so agitated. Like he was a mouse caught in a trap. I was worried he would lash out at any time,” Swedish Ambassador Hans Fish said.

The ambassador also remarked on the wild look in Dylan’s eyes and dramatically revealed a large swathe of flesh missing from his left leg.


Illustration by Taylor Penner-Ash

“It was like nothing I’ve ever seen. Dylan, down on all fours, screaming about the prize and then attacking me. I have never been more scared in my life,” the ambassador continued.

Dylan regained some sense of composure for the actual awarding of the Nobel Prize, calmly looking into the awarding committee member’s eyes and spitting on her, landing a gob of saliva directly between her eyes.

“That was stressful,” the ever-eloquent Miranda Nobel–great granddaughter of the original founder of the Nobel Prize–said.
When pressed for more information, Nobel added nothing else.

Dylan, still at large in Switzerland, told The Wire in an email that he was “so wonderfully delighted, that [he felt he was] walking on air!”