Where in the World is Lady Gaga’s Meat Dress?

Anthony Reale, Topiary By Day

Lady Gaga shocked the world seven years ago when she wore a dress entirely made of meat to the MTV Video Music Awards. Since then, Gaga has shifted to a definitely more textile-based fashion, but reporters at The Wire wondered what happened to the meat dress.

After repeated calls to Gaga’s publicist and chef, The Wire found a trail of breadcrumbs leading to a Subway in New Haven, Connecticut.

General Manager, Carol S. Anwhich, attempted to minimize any inquiries about the use of Gaga’s meat dress.

“Y’all know we use the finest beef ingredients here at Subway. There’s nothing to say about our cows. Our beef is the beefiest. Only whole-grain beef,” Anwhich said, pointing her cigarette menacingly.

Upon further digging, however, one employee, who must remain nameless to protect their identity, came forward to reveal the truth.

“It’s in the freezer. We’ve been harvesting pieces of it since about three weeks after the VMAs! No one can tell because we hide it in the cold cut combo meats. Who knows what goes into the cold cut combo besides the dress,” the employee hurriedly said.

After these conflicting testimonies, reporters at The Wire decided to dig deeper, looking to Fountain-of-Information Barber Maximum for any nuggets of wisdom. They trekked down into the deep, mist-covered caves below Reid Campus Center, seeking out the One Who Knows All.

“Well, kiddos, I haven’t heard about Gaga’s meat gown for a while now. Last the government talked about it was six or seven years ago, saying it was made into jerky and stored in a hall of fame or something. I, a Fountain of Knowledge, can confirm that the New Haven Subway has been using it to fuel sandwiches for nearly eight years now,” Maximum said.

When butt-dialed, Anwhich refused to comment on this confirmation.