Top 10 foods that are much better cooked

Maude Lustig, Lover AND Fighter

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Since the discovery of fire many years ago, people and things that look like people have been throwing shit on the flames and seeing what they get back. We here at The Wire have gone through thousands of foods to bring you the definitive list of the foods that you absolutely NEED to cook. Read on!

1. Meat

Cooking meat makes it so much better. The texture, the flavor and the digestibility — everything about it is vastly improved. Our testers agreed that raw meat “reminded them far too much of the animal it came from.” So next time you’re thinking about chomping down on some raw meat, try tossing it on the grill and giving that a try.

2. Eggs

Our testers vastly preferred the cooked eggs to raw eggs, mentioning that the viscous consistency of raw egg made it very hard to enjoy. Eggs are wonderful, however, for their flexibility under different amounts of cooking. Even cooking eggs a tiny bit makes them much less shloopy and more like the cooked egg taste that we all know and love.

3. Raw dough

Just put that stuff in the oven! Sure, you might be tempted to have a few nibbles just to get the idea, but you’ll be so happy you decided to fully cook that thing!

4. Fish

Okay, this one’s a little controversial (hello — sushi?) but hear us out. Unless you’re a sashimi master you’re probably better off making sure those aquatic animals are fully dead.

5. Kale

Talk about tummy ache city! Sure, raw kale is very healthy for you and it might be bearable in a smoothie. But in order to make kale truly edible, we recommend sautéing in a pan, or better yet — not eating it at all!

6. Every Other Vegetable

Vegetables are the reason that cooking was invented. They taste really gross, and even the ones that aren’t that bad are much better when they’ve been softened to mush. If babies get anything right, it’s that they know how to get those veggies.

7. Rice

This one was unanimous — people prefer a soft, chewy rice to a hard and crunchy rice. In fact, our testers could barely eat more than a few grains of the stuff when it was raw. It checks out!

8. Beans and Legumes

Toot toot! That’s what you’ll be doing after eating some tender, fully cooked beans. But don’t throw away all your raw beans! They can be used for art projects or as bingo counters!

9. Nuts

Roasted chestnuts, roasted peanuts, roasted you name it — it just sounds better. 

10. Fruits — yeah, we went there

Weren’t expecting to see fruits on this list, were you? Sure, any idiot can eat raw fruit, but if you really want to take a fruit to the next level, why don’t you do something to it! Spice it up!

I think we’ve established that cooking is not only healthy — it’s totally tubular. It may take a bit longer, but it pays off almost 100 percent of the time. Did you see your favorite cooked food on here? If not, comment below!

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