Whitman Wire

Ashlyn and Annelise say bye bye :'(

May 16, 2020

Accommodating Annelise, Everything is changing. Just found out that I have to graduate at the end of the month? What the heck? I guess I didn't realize it, because I've spent the last few months pushing...

Life hack: Webkinz is free and nothing is stopping you from signing up right now

May 15, 2020

Quarantine undisputedly sucks, but fortunately there is a silver lining. With all the free time it has afforded me – as well as the encouragement I’ve received to revert back to an unhealthy, childlike...

Local man to sell his antibodies online

May 6, 2020

“We’re all out of work here. I see no better way to pass the time while raking in some cash than getting myself infected and selling off my antibody-filled saliva,” said Whitman student Henry Schultz...

Things to think about while holding in your pee

May 5, 2020

So, you have to pee. That must be why you opened this article. Well, I know you're not going to get up and go to the bathroom – you've got to be on your phone! Here are some little nuggets to mull over...

Helpful Hilda, the advice column (the return)

April 28, 2020

Hilda, Sorry if my tuypong is a little bad .. i am only typing with one hand because i just smashed my other in a car door and it is definitely looking funny and feels like something horrible. Ouch ouch...

My CRAZY parents!

April 25, 2020

Oh, how the mighty (me) have fallen. I’m back home in my shitty little baby bedroom surrounded by my Anglophile paraphernalia (One Direction posters and a random print that says, "London"). But worst...

Renowned Dwight Schrute GIF now considered in poor taste

April 22, 2020

You remember that GIF of Dwight Schrute from "The Office" saying: “There’s too many people in this world. We need a new plague”? Yeah, that one. And remember how many people in 2014 would repost...

Running out of quarantine activities? Try rethinking every decision you’ve made!

Running out of quarantine activities? Try rethinking every decision you’ve made!
April 18, 2020

After many days of binge-watching shows, baking bread, attending Zoom happy hours, fighting with your mom and staring at the sky wondering if there is a god, you are probably feeling like you need some...

32 ways to be productive during a Zoom “class” with your camera and mic off

Illustration by Anika Vučićević
April 14, 2020

Watch seasons one through six of "Sex and the City." Watch the first "Sex and the City" movie. But don’t watch the second "Sex and the City" movie!! Manically disinfect all of your door...

Tensions rise at home when parents start re-watching “Call the Midwife” on PBS

Illustration by Elie Flanagan
April 11, 2020

“First you want me to join the family read-aloud circle, and now you want me to watch 'Call the Midwife' with you and dad!? I’m outta here!!” screamed 21-year-old Melly Snooks to her confused parents...

Six things to do again because you have no choice!

Illustration by Anika Vučićević
April 9, 2020

Hi y’all. I thought I would make a little listicle for you to use as a tool as we navigate these weird times at home! While social distancing, let’s look at six things to do again because you have...

April Fools’ Day reported to have “hit different” this year

April 5, 2020

This year you could have literally said or done anything that would later be revealed as an “April Fools” and I would not care. There is nothing that would have fazed me. Since Whitman’s announcement...

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