Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Vol. CLIV, Issue 10
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Lee Thomas

Lee Thomas, Humor Writer

Lee (they/them) is a Humor writer majoring in permanent debt and minoring in existential crisis. They have written for The Wire since the spring of 2021, and truly do not care if you don’t laugh at their articles, because they’re being paid anyway.

All content by Lee Thomas
Illustration by M Hu.

Auntie Lee’s insight on romantic indicators

Lee Thomas, ex-boyfriend bounty hunter
April 20, 2023

Walla Walla Vampire Hunting Committee raids local wineries

Lee Thomas, Not immune to vampiric seduction
April 13, 2023

WCTS to hire black magic pest control to fight off my.whitman bug

Lee Thomas, Chrome user with so many fun extensions
March 9, 2023

Whitman introduces “Human Evil” major concentration

Lee Thomas, Anti-Lee Thomas Advocate
February 23, 2023
Illustration by Keeli McKern.

Auntie Lee’s winter break survival kit

Lee Thomas, fortified with essential vitamins and minerals
December 8, 2022

No Nut November front-runner exposed for performance-enhancing drugs

Lee Thomas, Existentialism in the front, absurdism in the back
November 17, 2022

Mourning an icon – Walla Walla weeps for Alder Street Goodwill

Lee Thomas, Fart Simulator global 100% speed-run champion
September 15, 2022

Guide for titling your unnamed off-campus house

Lee Thomas, Can I crash at yours for a few days?
April 7, 2022
Illustration by Madeleine Stolp.

Auntie Lee’s tips for pissing with a skirt on

Lee Thomas, Yeah I'm gay keep scrolling
March 3, 2022

3 dead, 16 injured at latest biology department plant giveaway

Lee Thomas, More brown-thumbed than green-thumbed
February 17, 2022
Illustration by Shasta Soles.

Whitman holiday celebration goes wrong

Lee Thomas, sexy even without a mustache
December 9, 2021
Illustration by Paloma Link.

A case against animals as gifts

Lee Thomas, the Evil Lee Thomas
December 2, 2021

Auntie Lee’s cures for Frat Flu

Lee Thomas, Gogo's nemesis
October 28, 2021
Illustration by Anna Stone.

Marcus Whitman statue creates TikTok account, is immediately banned

Lee Thomas, author of critically acclaimed novel series Goosebumps
October 21, 2021

Auntie Lee’s Advice: for the embarrassed student

Lee Thomas, awake for the last 48 hours
September 23, 2021
Fundraiser established to send Jeff Bezos to space and keep him there

Fundraiser established to send Jeff Bezos to space and keep him there

Lee Thomas, President of PALT (the People Against Lee Thomas) organization
September 16, 2021

Advice for the closeted fan of ASMR

Lee Thomas, famous and attractive with many devoted fans
March 25, 2021
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