Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire
Vol. CLIV, Issue 10
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire
Lee Thomas

Lee Thomas, Humor Writer

Lee (they/them) is a Humor writer majoring in permanent debt and minoring in existential crisis. They have written for The Wire since the spring of 2021, and truly do not care if you don’t laugh at their articles, because they’re being paid anyway.

All content by Lee Thomas

My slur reclamation is not your neutralization

Lee Thomas, Humor Writer
May 4, 2023

Annual “Poor Person Cosplay Convention” to be held at Marcus Whitman hotel

Lee Thomas, ouch ooh ouchie owwwieee
April 27, 2023
Illustration by M Hu.

Auntie Lee’s insight on romantic indicators

Lee Thomas, ex-boyfriend bounty hunter
April 20, 2023

Walla Walla Vampire Hunting Committee raids local wineries

Lee Thomas, Not immune to vampiric seduction
April 13, 2023
Illustration by Holly VanVoorhis

Walla Walla chalk writings mistaken for Jenny Holzer art by tourists

Lee Thomas, Modern art snob as performance art
April 6, 2023

WCTS to hire black magic pest control to fight off my.whitman bug

Lee Thomas, Chrome user with so many fun extensions
March 9, 2023
Illustration by M Hu.

AirPod gremlin found with 196 various collected pods and cases

Lee Thomas, Naked and afraid
March 2, 2023

Whitman introduces “Human Evil” major concentration

Lee Thomas, Anti-Lee Thomas Advocate
February 23, 2023

Are your thrift hauls ethical? What to know before you cash out

Lee Thomas, thrift connoisseur
February 9, 2023
Illustration by Payton Davies.

Wire on blast for censorship: Writers protest omission of Oxford commas

Lee Thomas, Feature Writer
February 2, 2023
Illustration by Keeli McKern.

Auntie Lee’s winter break survival kit

Lee Thomas, fortified with essential vitamins and minerals
December 8, 2022

No Nut November front-runner exposed for performance-enhancing drugs

Lee Thomas, Existentialism in the front, absurdism in the back
November 17, 2022
Illustration by Megan Suka.

Counseling Center offers support group for students encountering professors outside campus

Lee Thomas, Currently avoiding multiple professors
November 10, 2022

Studies link the usage of “daddy” to early-onset Dad Syndrome

Lee Thomas, CBS Survivor champion of 2009
November 3, 2022
Illustration by Eleanor Amer.

BIO-112 class poisoned after using frat house water as lab sample

Lee Thomas, based on a true story
October 20, 2022

Essentials for your email signature, according to the CCEC

Lee Thomas, Buy my Thomas-Fam merch!
October 5, 2022

Seniors, did you know you need to apply to graduate? And 5 other things to get done before May

Lee Thomas, Has anyone seen my sanity anywhere recently?
September 22, 2022

Mourning an icon – Walla Walla weeps for Alder Street Goodwill

Lee Thomas, Fart Simulator global 100% speed-run champion
September 15, 2022

The Master’s Tools: Overcoming the awkward in-between of theory and practice

Lee Thomas, Humor Writer
May 12, 2022
Illustration by Astrid Ketcham.

Whitman College reconsiders new Culinary major as kitchen fires rampage across campus

Lee Thomas, Crying profusely
May 5, 2022
Illustration by Madi Welch.

Plant mom arrested for triple plantslaughter

Lee Thomas, go drink some water
April 28, 2022
Illustration by Madeleine Stolp.

Auntie Lee’s last minute thesis tools

Lee Thomas, Academic Genius
April 14, 2022

Guide for titling your unnamed off-campus house

Lee Thomas, Can I crash at yours for a few days?
April 7, 2022
Illustration by Madeleine Stolp.

OP-ED: I’m just trying to piss: The gendering of nongendered experiences

Lee Thomas, Junior
April 7, 2022
Illustration by Paloma Link.

Senior Psychology major kidnaps underclassmen for thesis study

Lee Thomas, I don't know who I am
April 1, 2022
Illustration by Madeleine Stolp.

Auntie Lee’s tips for pissing with a skirt on

Lee Thomas, Yeah I'm gay keep scrolling
March 3, 2022
Illustration by Kimberly Auran.

Outdoor Program under fire after insider trading exposé

Lee Thomas, News Reporter
February 24, 2022

3 dead, 16 injured at latest biology department plant giveaway

Lee Thomas, More brown-thumbed than green-thumbed
February 17, 2022
Illustration by Madi Welch.

Auntie Lee’s tricks for accessible transportation in Walla Walla

Lee Thomas, Not an eel
February 10, 2022
Illustration by Shasta Soles.

Whitman holiday celebration goes wrong

Lee Thomas, sexy even without a mustache
December 9, 2021
Illustration by Paloma Link.

A case against animals as gifts

Lee Thomas, the Evil Lee Thomas
December 2, 2021

Short story competition canceled after submissions box flooded with sexual professor fantasies

Lee Thomas, Feature Writer
November 18, 2021
Illustration by Madi Welch.

Incredible evidence proves local guy liked Korean media before it was cool

Lee Thomas, indie kid sitting on a roof at night
November 11, 2021

Auntie Lee’s cures for Frat Flu

Lee Thomas, Gogo's nemesis
October 28, 2021
Illustration by Anna Stone.

Marcus Whitman statue creates TikTok account, is immediately banned

Lee Thomas, author of critically acclaimed novel series Goosebumps
October 21, 2021
Students share concepts for improving Cleveland Commons

Students share concepts for improving Cleveland Commons

Lee Thomas, Lee Thomas's clone
October 7, 2021

Auntie Lee’s Advice: for the embarrassed student

Lee Thomas, awake for the last 48 hours
September 23, 2021
Fundraiser established to send Jeff Bezos to space and keep him there

Fundraiser established to send Jeff Bezos to space and keep him there

Lee Thomas, President of PALT (the People Against Lee Thomas) organization
September 16, 2021

So you’ve finished your first real semester at Whitman — have you checked all the boxes?

Lee Thomas
May 16, 2021
Illustration by Eli Rodriguez.

Students set themselves on fire in front of Memorial to protest spring break days

Lee Thomas, just some guy I guess
May 6, 2021

How to dress up for Hot Girl Summer while still attending classes

Lee Thomas, All around Bad B
April 29, 2021
Illustration by Nick Rogers.

As flex accounts run low, meal plan black market activity runs high

Lee Thomas, This is a cry for help
April 15, 2021

Op-Ed: Three ways Whitman should encourage student gainz

Lee Thomas, Stuck in a chimney help
April 9, 2021

Whitman sustainability team employs goats for campus maintenance

Lee Thomas, NOT allergic to penicillin
April 1, 2021

Advice for the closeted fan of ASMR

Lee Thomas, famous and attractive with many devoted fans
March 25, 2021
Illustration by Nicholas Rogers.

Fact vs. fiction: Clearing common misconceptions about Dad Dictums

Lee Thomas, Not Mad Just Disappointed
March 18, 2021

Student still getting away with pretending not to know how Canvas works

Lee Thomas, Closeted Cannibal
March 4, 2021
Illustration by Nick Rogers.

Study suggests masks cause gingivitis — proving too many of you fools are nasty

Lee Thomas, "Evolved" Ape
February 25, 2021
Illustration by Kiara Paninos.

Possible COVID exposure more enticing than continued cohabitation with parents

Lee Thomas, COVID-apologist
February 18, 2021
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