Advice for the closeted fan of ASMR

Lee Thomas, famous and attractive with many devoted fans

Dear LT,

I’ll admit it: I actually like ASMR. It puts me to sleep, it relaxes me, AND it helps me study. But in Penrose Library, I spend more time paranoid about the people passing by and seeing what I’m listening to than I do on actual studying. How can I keep my secret while keeping calm? I can’t have people thinking I’ve got an ear-licking fetish. I’m just into the hair brushing and slime stuff, I swear! And… maybe the boyfriend roleplays…


Ashamed Ashley from Anderson


Dear Ashamed,

I get it! ASMR is still a taboo form of entertainment, even though these YouTube channels accumulate millions of views and subscribers, proving that more are tuning into triggers than are owning up to it. Never fear, Auntie Lee is here, bringing guidance and relaxation.

Tip #1: Modern day problems call for modern day solutions.

Got the Tube on your cell? Plug in your airpods and place it on the desk screen-side down. Not only will this shield other library loiterers from finding you out, it’s also a nifty way to limit phone distractions! (Unless you’re some wealthy weirdo that pays for YouTube premium, able to listen even when the app is closed.)

Tip #2: Keep tabs. 

Don’t make the mistake of closing your Google Docs tab only to expose the ASMR Ear Cleaning Doctor Roleplay video you’ve got playing on loop on the other tab. While using Chrome, have ASMR Zeitgeist running on Safari, or Firefox, or… Internet Explorer (… freak), then minimize it and get back to work on Chrome!

Tip #3: Come out!

Nothing’s more freeing than no longer hiding in the shadows, dodging questions and suspicions. There’s a whole world of tingle-lovers out there who’re ready to welcome you into their community!

Stay strong and tingle on!