Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Vol. CLIV, Issue 4
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Top 5 Emails to Explain Why You Missed Your 9 A.M. Class

Don’t worry, we’ve all been there. You wake up at 1 p.m. realizing that you hit the snooze maybe a couple times too many on a test day. It’s ok. It’s a part of college. But now you gotta un- Fuck up. It’s time to finesse. 

#1  

Hello Professor, 

I am so sorry for missing class today. My sister unfortunately is giving birth to triplets. I understand today we had one of our two tests of the year, but I just couldn’t miss the birth. I will be back for class tomorrow. Thank you.

#2

Hello Professor,

I’m Lost. 

Sincerely, Will

#3

Hello Professor, 

I am so sorry I couldn’t made it to class today. I have contracted rabies. On my way to class this morning I ran into a rabid dog walking on the sidewalk of Ankeny field. After biting me in the neck and groin dozens of times I broke free of the pooch and drove myself to the hospital. I am currently in the ER being treated, but thought that I should take the time to fill you in on my absence in your class. I hope this goes well excused. See you tomorrow.

#4

Hello Professor,

Duli Junn has currently kidnapped me and is holding me for ransom. No need to call the police but I hope this does not count as an absence. 

#5

Dear Professor,

 I wanted to let you know that I am sorry I could not make it to class today. I just couldn’t find a taxi. Nowhere. I stood on the side of Isaacs for what felt like years but I just couldn’t catch a glimpse. I am sending a furious invoice out of total rage to Sarah Bolton to see what can be done. In the meantime if you could send me your best times to meet for a makeup exam I would greatly appreciate that. See you tomorrow. 

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