Wire on blast for censorship: Writers protest omission of Oxford commas

Lee Thomas, Feature Writer

The Wire writers are on protest this week after realizing their articles were stripped of their Oxford commas. The Oxford comma is a special little dot that separates items within a list of your siblings from favorite to least, reasons why humor writers should be paid more or of locations on your body of the moles that you should get checked out. Its properties hold significance for the hardworking writers of our campus newspaper, and these students demand justice for their stolen grammar. 

“First they take our Oxford commas, next they rob us of our lives,” leader of the writers’ protest Bee Bhomas said. “It’s the first step of an incoming progression of rights violations, misdeeds and acts of inhumanity against our writers. It’s just like ‘1984,’ or whatever … I haven’t read the book.”

The paper’s editors chimed in.

Illustration by Payton Davies.

“Often we have to scrap excess commas for formatting. It’s not a critique of the writing styles of our writers or an abuse of power against them,” one bitchy production associate said bitterly, disgustingly and sourly.

“Most sentences are equally grammatically correct with or without the Oxford comma,” a malicious editor said sinisterly, menacingly and with disregard of the wonderful functions of the English language. “We have bigger battles than a millimeter-sized blot of ink. We must balance time, funding and the physical space of the paper.”

Many remark that these statements are cruel and unjustified .

One writer anonymous-Lee shared their valuable thoughts on the situation, saying, “It’s not just a comma, it’s a craft. Each piece of punctuation is vital to telling the stories of our society.”

The Wire interviewed unaffiliated students for their perceptions on the situation.

One junior shared, “I guess I can see why it’s important to keep them in. I didn’t know what an Oxford comma was, to be honest.” 

A sophomore student said, “Who cares? Nobody reads your shit anyway.”

Despite the difference in opinions (and difference in their correctness), the protests have sparked a conversation about the significance of the Oxford comma as a grammatical and artistic punctuation choice. Discussions have been invigorated about the Oxford comma’s place in the realm of journalism and the need to please stop taking it out because doing makes me sad for a list of reasons.