May has big things in store for Walla Walla. The opening week of the month is Spring Release Weekend for new wines, so the town will be filled with live music, good food and eager tourists. The following week brings us the 2023 Poor Person Cosplay Convention (PPCC), recently revealed to be held at our very own Marcus Whitman Hotel. 

President of PPCC Carl Ritz announced the news himself this week, stating, “We have brought the Poor Person Cosplay Convention to The Peninsula in Chicago, The Plaza in New York and the Four Seasons in Vegas, but we are ecstatic to host this year’s convention in the heart of wine and working class country.”

When asked what drew the PPCC Committee to the Walla Walla Valley, Ritz responded, “There are already plenty of fellow affluent citizens role-playing as blue collar – from agriculture bosses pretending their estates are funded by hard work instead of generational wealth in the millions, to college students acting like their parents aren’t paying their tuition in full.” 

As usual, the PPCC takes place over a weekend; most participants do not need to work weekends (if at all), and there is always a steady supply of working people taking on weekend shifts, especially at the hotel (sigh…). The proposed convention schedule is as follows:

Friday, May 12

• 4 p.m. to 6 p.m.: Opening ceremony in the Marcus Whitman Hotel ballroom.
• 6 p.m. to 7 p.m.: Dinner and dessert at the Marcus Whitman.
• 7 p.m to 8 p.m.: Speakers panel (Carl Ritz, Ben Jeffos and Steven Careers)

Saturday, May 13

• 11 a.m. to 3 p.m.: Blue collar imitation contest. Show up in your brand new Carhartts and awkwardly forced colloquialism.
• 4 p.m. to 6 p.m.: Farm work role-play. On-site Corvette parking provided.
• 7 p.m. to 9 p.m.: Participant dinner and dessert at TMACS.

Sunday, May 14

• 12 p.m. to 2 p.m.: Lunch at the Marcus Whitman.
• 2 p.m. to 4 p.m.: Closing ceremony in the Marcus Whitman foyer.
• 4 p.m. to 7 p.m.: Bootstrap Ball Dance in the Marcus Whitman ballroom.

The Walla Walla Valley awaits the new wines and wealthy assholes of springtime, and the PPCC looks forward to your attendance. And don’t worry, actual poor people will be strictly confined to serving the program and prohibited from participating.