Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Vol. CLIV, Issue 9
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Ian Lewis, Humor Writer

Ian (he/him) is The Wire's tallest humor writer. An English/FMS double major, Ian presently spends most of his free time terrified about post-college job prospects. In the meantime, he's here to make mediocre jokes and take a salary that comes out from your tuition.

All content by Ian Lewis

5 great tips to keep the ghouls away

Ian Lewis, only a little buzzed
March 9, 2023

Whitman announces new, worse housing to make the rest seem better

Ian Lewis, unsure if North counts as off-campus housing
March 2, 2023
Illustration by Kai Bowen

Wēpa gains sentience

Ian Lewis, loyal servant of our printer overlords
February 23, 2023
Illustration by Payton Davies

Flocks of rampaging murder-birds: “Unfortunate,” says Board

Ian Lewis, Feeling like Prometheus, but mainly in the bird attack way
February 16, 2023

North Hall still exists, apparently

Ian Lewis, resident resident
November 10, 2022

Study shows that everyone actually is judging you, specifically

Ian Lewis, not replaced by thirty garden gnomes
November 3, 2022
Styx eats a guy

Styx eats a guy

Ian Lewis, Styx Watch reporter
September 29, 2022
Ghostbusted! Paranormal sightings actually just Classics professor

Ghostbusted! Paranormal sightings actually just Classics professor

Ian Lewis, President and Founder of the Whitman Wire
September 15, 2022
Load More Stories