RA manages to recruit new RA and free self from curse

Ian Lewis, Walking wounded


Illustration by Megan Suka.

In a small win for Resident Assistants (RAs) everywhere, a Stanton Hall RA has managed to convince a resident to become a new RA. This thereby frees her from the ancient blood curse trapping her soul to her residence hall for all time.

Erin Gimbal, the RA in question, had been courting prospective candidates for weeks. Gimbal promised prospects free room and board, a chance to develop leadership skills and a great position for a resume, while neglecting to mention the dark magicks that bind all RAs to the post. Sources say that after getting a student to sign the Residence Life contract, Gimbal cackled in an unearthly register and stated, “Gimbal now is free; no more shower hair for me!” The RA then dissipated into a tenebrous mist and fled the hall, leaving behind only an email reminding people about a fun activity they had planned for the week.

Whitman’s policy of entrapping the body and souls of Resident Assistants within the hall and immuring them on campus for all of eternity has come under fire in recent weeks. Anzaveus the Cruel, Whitman’s Associate Director of Warlock Affairs and Housing, has defended the policy.

“The blood-curse remains an essential aspect of being a Resident Assistant,” Anzaveus stated, as he sacrificed an assistant professor to maintain Jewett Hall’s runes. “As much as it may hurt to see RAs imprisoned under a forlorn geas — unable to leave campus or die — it is much cheaper than paying them.”

When asked for comment, newly-hired RA Kieran Williams appeared to have mixed feelings about the situation.

“It’s a lot to take in,” Williams said. “Obviously, the free room and board is nice, but I wish they told me about the century-long blood curse I’m stuck with until I can find someone new. Speaking of which, have you ever considered becoming an RA?”