Whitman braces itself for Rejected Students Day

Ian Lewis, shockingly admitted

After greeting the future Whittie class of 2027 at Admitted Students Day, Whitman now braces itself for an influx of failed applicants to reach campus on Rejected Students Day.

Whitman’s most unusual part of the admittance process returns for yet another year. Whitman proudly invites every one of its rejected applicants to campus for a series of unwelcoming events, including a student-led tour of anything off-campus, a non-working coupon for a meal at Cleveland Commons and an admissions officer occasionally throwing things at their hotel windows while they’re sleeping. 

While a hallmark of Whitman’s admittance policy, some criticism has emerged, with the day being described as “unnecessary” and “a waste of 23 percent of our admissions funding.”

“I don’t really see why they invited me,” said Hannah Ross, who was rejected from Whitman to admit Air Bud earlier this year. “They just sent me a letter that said I was a ‘big rejected loser dweebulon,’ and they then dared me to come to Walla Walla. I’ve just spent my time taking things. Anyway, give me your laptop.”

Despite the criticism, Tiffany Gamel, the Director of Rejections in the Admissions Office, has maintained the necessity of Rejected Students Day.

“Rejected Students Day is a time-honored tradition of Whitman College,” Gamel said. “What would Whitman College be without some of its Rejected Students events, like signing their emails up for spam or throwing eggs at tour groups?”

“Now, critics claim this is a massive waste of time and money,” she continued, “requiring an insane amount of investment for an event that does nothing to build community or actually serves any purpose for Whitman at all, wasting tuition money and then using it for something that is at its core mean-spirited and really doesn’t help anyone … Sorry, I lost my train of thought, what was the question?”