P&P Battens Down the Hatches as the White Feminists Approach, Rubbing their Hands Voraciously

Anthony Reale, Line Pusher

Power and Privilege faces yet again the onslaught of white feminists as the Symposium’s date approaches.  This problem, a yearly challenge for the planners of P&P, returns yet again in the form of Starbucks-wielding, social media-posting, pussy hat-wearing people.  The strength of white feminists has never been larger, especially after their blood ritual (posting trendy photos on Facebook from the Women’s March last January.)

The question becomes, yet again, how will P&P prevent the white feminists from shutting down the sessions on intersectionality and the plight of people who don’t identify as Taylor Swift lookalikes.  “We’re looking to go a little more high tech this year,” said Libby E. Ralgal, the head of the P&P committee.

Ralgal has implemented a series of distractions, or T.R.A.P.S. (Totally Rad Admonishment of Pretend allieS).  These devices include (but are not limited to) a hologram of Beyoncé calling them names, pussy hat knitting stations, and 3 hour online petition sign ups.

The Committee was hopeful, however, to educate the white feminists somehow.  Inside of each T.R.A.P. is a small pamphlet that begins to explain how privilege works.  The pamphlet includes a word search, coloring, and a crossword that covers all the bases of intersectional feminism.

“We’re hopeful that the white feminists will actually pick up on the information that we’re feeding them.  We want them to be a part of today so, so badly, but until they learn that they can get away with more because they’re white, we’re not getting anywhere.  That’s why we included the basics to feminism for identities that don’t do spring break in Cabo,” said Ralgal.

P&P is projected to be a huge success, especially with these T.R.A.P.S. in place.  Good luck out there, intersectional feminists!