White Smoke Billows Out of the Climbing Gym; Crowds Eagerly Await Announcement of next Rock Pope

Anthony Reale, Mickey Shin's Cheez-It Fetish

The Whitman College climbing gym eagerly awaits the announcement of the Rock Pope after the characteristic white smoke and scent of armpits wafted out of the climbing gym Tuesday. This occurrence was met with a grand parade by the Sandalwearers, as the Climbing Clergy had been in deliberations for eight months since the last Rock Pope graduated.

“Sheah, it’s like really chill that we figured this gnarly thang out,” said Climb Bishop Rockie McClimbsauce. McClimbsauce was one of the many bishops who stared at the ‘rocks’ in the climbing gym for the eight months required to determine whose sweat is the sweat of a Rock Pope.

Rumors so far are pointing to Rocko Rockman, a priest who lives in a cave underneath Olin East. This reporter attempted to research Rockman, but could only find a photo of nice rocks. Alas, if Rockman is the choice, he will ascend to the throne at the top of the climbing gym and begin his important duty of heckling anyone who touches the wall.