Apple Files for New Patent, Making Youths Screech

Anthony Reale, Technology Boi

Last Friday, Apple filed for a new patent, throwing interest shockwaves through the small-yet-mighty patent-observation community. Unfortunately for the rest of us, the patent-observation community is extremely tight-lipped, requiring this reporter to use back channels in order to receive this information.

According to a source, Apple filed for something called “iAmNotListening.” The child’s sketch that was included in the file showed something that looks somewhat like a large duck foot on a hat that features the golden, glittery words: “Earpods in, Loser!”

This patent has immense potential for people to stop looking like assholes while they’re listening to music with their wireless headphones. This reporter would like to take the moment to thank our technological overlords for protecting us with their good sense and technological. Thank you, Lord Siri.