Whitman Wire

Best of 2017-2018: Procrastination Sensations!

Clara Wheeler, Mic Dropper
May 3, 2018

Non-Murderers Plan for the Purge

Clara Wheeler, Celebrity Look-alike
April 19, 2018

Tree Near Jewett Looking Forward to Smelling like Shit Again

Clara Wheeler, Conspiracy Theorist
April 5, 2018

New Hero Strikes Fear into the Heart of Productivity

Clara Wheeler, Binge Verb-er
March 29, 2018

Steaming Manhole Cover a Portal to Opportunities

Clara Wheeler, Citizen of the Ebon Grounds
March 8, 2018

Urban Dictionary Phased Out By Parent Company, To Be Replaced By Rural Thesaurus

Clara Wheeler, Southern Bell
February 22, 2018

What is Jill Stein Doing Now?

Clara Wheeler, The Chosen One
January 28, 2018

New Restaurant Allows for a Break from Suffocating Privilege

Clara Wheeler, White Female
January 25, 2018

Finals Study Breaks Sure to be Big Hit

Clara Wheeler, Font of Useless Information
December 7, 2017

New Classes for Millenials

Clara Wheeler, Dear god please somebody swipe me into brunch
November 9, 2017

Released Files about JFK Reveal Truths that Surprise Nobody

Clara Wheeler, A Literal Swingline Stapler
October 22, 2017

New Car Service Luber Sweeps Nation

Clara Wheeler, Scabby Scrotum
October 19, 2017

Health Squared Plan

Clara Wheeler, Dumpster Scuba Diver
October 4, 2017

NASA Ends Pizza Spat with Hawaii

Clara Wheeler, Astronaughty
September 18, 2017

Pit Resident Builds Dam

Clara Wheeler, Ninja Chef
September 11, 2017

Hard-Boiled Scramble Divisions Fry Campus Tensions

Clara Wheeler, Scramble Leader #20
August 25, 2017

Divest Whitman has Sacrificed One of its Own

Clara Wheeler, Level 2 Paladin
May 4, 2017

Behind the Scenes at the Liberal Boot Camp

Clara Wheeler, Level 2 Paladin
May 4, 2017

CRISIS: Local Man Can’t Find Keys

Clara Wheeler, Tortilla Engineer
April 20, 2017

US blocks UN’s no Nukes Vote by Bringing Nuke Along

Clara Wheeler, Assistant Chair
April 13, 2017

Paul Ryan’s search for love

Clara Wheeler, Pirate Administrative Professional
April 2, 2017

Bon App Cultivates New Flavor Palate

Clara Wheeler, Cannonball
March 30, 2017

Cops Call Crook’s Creators

Clara Wheeler, Cub Scout
March 9, 2017

ASWC: No More Mr. Nice Senate

Clara Wheeler, Digital Optimizer
February 23, 2017

NASA Discovers New Star

Clara Wheeler, Hollywood Astrologist
February 16, 2017

Delta Gamma Nuclear Program Reaches New Heights

Clara Wheeler, Super Professional
February 9, 2017

United States Eagerly Awaits Slaughter of Planned Parenthood

Clara Wheeler, Cardboard Boxer
January 28, 2017

FREXIT: Community Shocked As French House Votes To Secede From IHC

Clara Wheeler, Hippo Matador
January 26, 2017

Student in Quandary after Door is Held for Her

Clara Wheeler, Humor Writer
December 8, 2016

Whitman Parents Marvel at Matured Offspring

Clara Wheeler, Humor Writer
December 1, 2016

What to do When You’ve Forgotten Someone’s Name

Clara Wheeler, Humor Writer
November 10, 2016

Divestment movement expands fight against all forms of fossils

Clara Wheeler, Humor Writer
November 3, 2016

Bon App to Crack Down on Food Theft

Clara Wheeler, Staff Writer
October 27, 2016

Article Not Labeled

Clara Wheeler, staff writer
October 20, 2016

New Disinterest House to Open

Clara Wheeler, staff writer
October 9, 2016

Whitman Health Center to Hire New Staff

Clara Wheeler, staff writer
September 29, 2016

Whitman Overhauls Image with New Mascot Ideas

Clara Wheeler, staff writer
September 15, 2016

Retaliation Against Systematic Oppression of White Males

Clara Wheeler, staff writer
May 5, 2016

Sheehan Gallery Presents New Pretentious Modern Art

Clara Wheeler, staff writer
April 21, 2016

How to Get Rid Of Your Prospie

Clara Wheeler, staff writer
April 14, 2016

Horoscope Time!

Clara Wheeler, staff writer
April 1, 2016

Historic Rap Musical Hits Broadway

Clara Wheeler, staff writer
March 10, 2016

Ankeny Excavation Reveals Lives of Nineteenth Century Students

Clara Wheeler, staff writer
February 25, 2016

Whitman Bubble Turns Physical

Clara Wheeler, staff writer
February 11, 2016

Baby it’s cold outside (and we’re all going to die)

Clara Wheeler, Staff writer
December 10, 2015

Scientists discover new purposes for world monuments

Clara Wheeler, staff writer
November 19, 2015

Res Life to Offer Pigeon Cages For Additional Student Housing

Clara Wheeler, Chief Aviary Correspondent
November 5, 2015

Varsity Nordic must change name or start skiing

Clara Wheeler, staff writer
October 20, 2015

Scientists urge public to crank up A/C in effort to cool planet

Clara Wheeler, staff writer
October 1, 2015