Steaming Manhole Cover a Portal to Opportunities

Clara Wheeler, Citizen of the Ebon Grounds

The constantly steaming manhole cover on Ankeny recently celebrated its eightieth consecutive week of emitting vapors. These fumes, that add to the mysterious atmosphere that enshrouds Ankeny like a shroud, likely stem from the fact that the manhole cover is a portal to an otherworldly dimension.

The cover, originally installed as an outreach program to an uncharted hellscape in the Underdark, has become a popular fixture on campus, with some students daring each other to go up and touch the edge despite the yellow warning tape. Once they touch the portal, many of these adventurous students are given a surprise visa to the Upside Down. This new gateway to the Darkness In Between The Stars offers an exciting new chance for students to escape the Whitman bubble and explore cultures and ideas outside of their own.

“I was going to study abroad in Spain,” Fursa Delbore said, a sophomore interested in an economics major. “But now I’m looking at programs in the Underdark. I just think it’s important to hear voices from all over the world, even if those voices are mostly anguished wails.” The study abroad program in the Dimension of Torment focuses on the financing of sustainable development and social change, and offers many job opportunities after graduation.

In addition to study abroad opportunities, new Outdoor Program trips are being planned to the Underdark. These will include rafting down the rivers of flame, snowshoeing across Fields of Elysium and backpacking through Tartarus. Sign up on Compass today using your BCOF!

The portal will soon be moved to Olin basement in order to make room on Ankeny for the IM Ultimate Frisbee season.