Whitman Wire

Worst of 2017-2018: Greek Parties

Winston Weigand, The Fart You Shouldn’t Have Trusted
May 3, 2018

In Awesome Display of Solidarity, Men are Sharing Unsolicited Dick Pics with Each Other

Winston Weigand, Pole Dancer at the Mos Eisley Cantina
April 26, 2018

The Secret Life of the American Gaymer

Winston Weigand, The Dragonslayer
April 5, 2018

Local “Reid Rat” Anthony Reale Found Squatting in Reid Campus Center

Winston Weigand, Always Angry About Anthony’s Edits
March 1, 2018

Uh-oh: Carry-on Crisis Cracks Criminal Crab’s Crisp ‘Calm’ Countenance

Winston Weigand, Future Survivor Contestant
February 15, 2018

Food Blogger Ate Nothing But Mothballs for a Year and the Results Will Shock You

Winston Weigand, Six-Figure Intern
January 28, 2018

Who Really Was Bingo: the Farmer or the Dog?

Winston Weigand, Chronic Mansplainer
January 25, 2018

When Will Our Government Address Minion Memes?

Winston Weigand, Garbage Gargler
December 7, 2017

Scientists Discover that Literally No One Has Ever Bought an Album by Pitbull

Winston Weigand, Miss America Reject
October 22, 2017

Walla Walla Attacked by GAC!

Winston Weigand, Gym Leader
October 8, 2017

What’s Better than This? Just Guys Bein’ Dudes.

Winston Weigand, Major League Gaymer
October 4, 2017

8 Reasons to Avoid Contact with Me

Winston Weigand, Volunteer Freedom Fighter
September 28, 2017

Olympia Mayor: “iCarly Singlehandedly Destroyed Our Tourism Industry”

Winston Weigand, Imogen Heap’s Fraternal Twin
September 11, 2017

Quacking the Case: President Irrevocably Tarnished Donald Duck’s Reputation

Winston Weigand, The One that Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
August 25, 2017

Why One Local Voter Believes Hoverboards are the Most Pressing Issue in America

Winston Weigand, Gamer Girl
May 4, 2017

Divination Professor Already Aware of Students Cheating on Her Final

Winston Weigand, Tinder MVP
April 27, 2017

Things Your Grandma Might Say About a Bag of Coffee Beans

Winston Weigand, Humor Writer
April 20, 2017

Whitman Vampires Speak Out

Winston Weigand, Pokémon Trainer
April 13, 2017

Sneezing in the Quiet Room: 5 Tips to Recover the Respect of Your Peers

Winston Weigand
March 30, 2017

Attention: If You or a Loved One Have Been Probed By Aliens, You May Be Entitled to Financial Compensation

Winston Weigand, Ex-Cheetah Girl
March 9, 2017

Trump’s Security Chief Pick is Exactly Who We Expected: A Literal Bowl of Soup

Winston Weigand, Liberal Snowflake
March 2, 2017

In Support of Same-Sex Marriage, Two American Pizza Companies Have Gay-Married

Winston Weigand, Aspiring Petsitter
February 23, 2017

In An Attempt to Smash Society’s Expectations, Men Across the Nation are Giving Birth

Winston Weigand, Slytherin Apologist
February 9, 2017

Penrose Library: “Book-up” Culture Gone Wild

Winston Weigand, Angsty Ice Princess
January 28, 2017

Easy, Brie-sy, Beautiful: One Cheetos Artisan Tells All

Winston Weigand, Mustard Aficionado
January 26, 2017