Quacking the Case: President Irrevocably Tarnished Donald Duck’s Reputation

Winston Weigand, The One that Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

Donald Duck, the famous anthropomorphic waterfowl, was once one of the most popular cartoon characters in the world. Nowadays, however, Mr. Duck is struggling to make ends meet.

As many know, his previously-immense fortune was a product of the hundreds of films and pieces of literature he has starred in since the 20th century. So now the world is wondering: how did Forbes’ #1 richest avian find himself in poverty?

The answer is unfortunately simple–people have begun to associate his name with that of President Donald J. Trump, one of the most statistically-disliked U.S. leaders ever. This consequence was unprecedented for Mr. Duck, who relied on his wealth to satisfy his crippling bread crumb addiction.

When The Wire prompted readers for their opinions, one young mother remarked that she now avoided Donald Duck products because the name causes her acid reflux symptoms to flare. In her words, “To me, that name is like Voldemort to Harry Potter. But instead of making a scar on my forehead burn, it makes me feel like a dragon vomited into my open mouth.”

In an effort to distance himself from the President, Donald Duck has been regularly attending Bernie Sanders events and even publicly defending CNN on his twitter account.

When asked, Mr. Duck sputtered out, “It’th dethpicable, you know.  I tried tho hard when I wath younger, but I’m no thpring chicken anymore.  I’m not thtrong enough to fight ath hard ath I did in my youth.”

However, as of now, the future for Donald Duck’s stardom looks grim.