In Support of Same-Sex Marriage, Two American Pizza Companies Have Gay-Married


Illustration by Nate Raphael

Winston Weigand, Aspiring Petsitter

Illustration by Taylor Penner-Ash

Not long ago, same-sex couples in America were completely barred from becoming officially married. Over time, however, individual states began to pass laws that legalized same-sex marriage, and in the summer of 2015, the U.S. Supreme Court ultimately took initiative and ruled that it was legal nationwide. With progress, however, often comes retaliation, as many of the more conservative-leaning states are making it very clear that they aim to reverse the ruling.

Fortunately, two major pizza restaurant chains are making a big statement in support of same-sex marriage. In March of 2017, Papa John’s and Papa Murphy’s will ceremoniously unite to become one–and will thereafter be known as “Papa Equality’s.” The two paternal companies hope that their message will be powerful enough to spur other big businesses to make a stand, and have promised that their pizza will not taste “too gay.”

Disclaimer: This is satire