What’s Better than This? Just Guys Bein’ Dudes.

Winston Weigand, Major League Gaymer

Picture this: You’re a man. No–even better, a dude. Yes, a dude. You’re dudeing around town doing dude things (loudly slurping an energy drink, purchasing multiple gym memberships, barbecuing an expensive steak with thoroughly unwashed hands). Now, picture the same thing but with the company of a bunch of other dudes too. And I don’t mean three or four other dudes, I’m talking a baker’s dozen.

Illustration by Haley King

A recent, century-long study conducted by the Dude Department of Yale University has found that “guys bein’ dudes” is the single most enjoyable experience a human being can encounter. To be more scientifically specific, the central nervous system of a guy bein’ a dude in the immediate vicinity of other guys bein’ dudes will invariably exhibit the highest levels of endorphin-release that is physiologically possible. Conclusively and undoubtedly, there is nothing better than this.

This news comes as a surprise to many, as it was previously thought that nothing was better than only having to wipe once after using the restroom. Despite this, dudes around the world have already begun embracing their newfound brotherhood, even going to the extent of hugging one another and asking each other how they feel.

Currently, the same Yale researchers are in the early stages of an experiment on how long two dudes can hold eye contact before it gets weird.