Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire
Vol. CLVI, Issue 5
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Maddie Ott

All content by Maddie Ott

Live from Walla Walla, Washington

Maddie Ott, President of TKE
May 7, 2020
Illustration by Elie Flanagan

Tensions rise at home when parents start re-watching “Call the Midwife” on PBS

Maddie Ott, Finger Lickin’ Good
April 11, 2020
Illustration by Hannah Paul

How to enjoy spring break during an epidemic

Maddie Ott, A Corn Husk
March 12, 2020
Illustration by Anika Vučićević

Heated liberal snowflakes reveal Buttigieg’s rat family via Twitter

Maddie Ott
February 20, 2020
Illustration by Anika Vučićević

Stoner rediscovers water

Maddie Ott, Devil On Wheels
February 6, 2020

Stunning reveal: Adopt-a-Grandparent senior and their Whitman student are now dating!

Maddie Ott, Head Chef of Your Worst Nightmare
December 12, 2019

Reel Rock 14 goes from giant Whitman orgy to more intentional sex club

Maddie Ott, Munchkin With An Appetite
November 21, 2019

A scary story to tell in the dark: Dignity lost in Sig basement

Maddie Ott, Hot ‘n Bothered
November 7, 2019
Illustration by Elena Kaminskaia

Well-known Whitman couple discovers they are distant cousins after birth of first child

Maddie Ott, all ’bout baby talk
October 19, 2019
Illustration by Lanh Tran

Whitman cycling team trades bikes for skateboards in an attempt to get laid more

Maddie Ott, Eats Raw Tea Bags
October 9, 2019
Illustration by Lanh Tran

Students Begin to Vomit for Pure Sport in Cleveland Commons

Maddie Ott, Knows How To Lock Doors
September 26, 2019

Summer Article: Family is Disappointed When Man Baby Returns Home From College Addicted To “Game of Thrones”

Maddie Ott, My Little Pony Enthusiast
May 3, 2019

Community Poll: What are the Top 7 Things to Do in the Cleveland Bathrooms?

Maddie Ott, 50 Cent’s Mother-in-Law
April 25, 2019
Illustration by Megan Waldau

First Year Feels Is Reminded That They Are an Actual Child When They Have to Get Their Wisdom Teeth Removed

Maddie Ott, Rotten Tooth
April 18, 2019

This article is not an advertisement

Maddie Ott, Supreme Eggwich
April 9, 2019
Illustration by Elie Flanagan

Administration Thrilled to Start Extermination After Squirrel Finally Bites and Kills Student

Maddie Ott, Rejected Craisin
April 7, 2019

The Oracle Speaks

Maddie Ott, Flavor Scientist at Dorito Labs
April 3, 2019

After 3 Weeks of Intense Love-Making, the Dreaded ‘Talk’ Comes Up Again, and The Whitman Student Body is Here For It!

Maddie Ott, Soil Salesperson
March 7, 2019

Mystery Solved: Professor revealed to be garden gnome

Maddie Ott, Ground Beef Donation
February 24, 2019

Ground Crew Gives Up

Maddie Ott, Famous Plaintaff from Kraft Foods vs. The United States
February 14, 2019

In an Unsurprising Turn of Events, Reel Rock 13 Viewing Turns Into a Giant Whitman Orgy

Maddie Ott, Firmest Jello ’06
January 28, 2019

The Perfect Gift For the Perfect Lift: Three Heroic Stories of Gift-Giving Found in Rides-Digest

Maddie Ott, Tortellini Charmer
November 29, 2018

Cause of Death: Florida

Maddie Ott, Uncle Alligator’s Famous Jambalaya
November 25, 2018

BREAKING: Bon Appetit revealed to be reason why Whitman College is a D3 school

Maddie Ott, Ratatouille’s Brother-in-Law
November 9, 2018

Mom spends night in Jewett

Maddie Ott, Crab-on-the-Cob
November 1, 2018
Illustration by Haley King

New Study Reveals that Over One-Half Of Whitman Graduates Live Out of Van Post College

Maddie Ott, Canned Beef
October 22, 2018

How to Survive These Times: Liberal Snowflake Edition

Maddie Ott, Allergic to Muppets
October 12, 2018
Comic by Nathaly Perez

Feeling Extra Rebellious Whitman Student Steals a Chair From Tennis Tournament, Sets it in the Middle of Ankeny, Sits on it, Runs Away.

Maddie Ott, Interested in Narcotics and Black Market Frisbees
October 8, 2018
Illustration by Nathaly Perez

ORIENTATION IN REVIEW: IN A SURPRISING TURN OF EVENTS SEATTLE KIDS STICK TOGETHER

Maddie Ott, America’s Next Top Waddle
September 23, 2018
Load More Stories