Stunning reveal: Adopt-a-Grandparent senior and their Whitman student are now dating!

Maddie Ott, Head Chef of Your Worst Nightmare

It’s been two weeks since Girdle Franny and her Whitman student friend, Karl Fiend, declared their love for each other. The cute couple started as mere platonic partners through Whitman’s Adopt-a-Grandparent program. When Karl first received his assignment, nobody realized how physically compatible the duo was. Their chemistry was off the charts! From toned legs and backs, to locks of luscious brown and gray hair, this couple was physically into each other from the get-go. 

However, the physical side of it is only a quarter of the equation. The other 75 percent is, obviously, the emotional connection. Due to Girdle’s age, and walker, the couple were unable to leap straight into fornication on their first day together. But this was just a blessing in disguise. Girdle and Karl instead talked extensively about matters that only deepened their love for each other. During their conversations, they brushed on a lot of deep and meaningful topics such as how Karl feels emasculated as a white man in society today, the war on terror and their favorite topic: how to take shits quietly whilst in a public bathroom. 

After some dirty potty talk, the unlikely couple moved closer. The emotional connection had been established and it was time to move onto the next step in a partnership: physical touch. Obviously, Karl did most of the work in the sex department. He was, after all, the more lithe and flexible of the two. However, it was an effort on both their parts. Afterwards, Karl carried Girdle to his Subaru Forester and the two drove off into the sunset, hands clasped together.