Ground Crew Gives Up

Maddie Ott, Famous Plaintaff from Kraft Foods vs. The United States

As they gather at the physical plant, the general mood is somber. With heavy hearts they turn their heads to face the storm. Holding hands in solidarity, they stare out the window, unified against the power. Mother Nature laughs in their grim faces as She utterly destroys Whitman’s campus. Snow, two inches deep, piles on the walking paths. Not even salt can keep these puppies clear. However, the grounds crew knows nothing of failure. Armed with powerful leaf blowers and trucks with traction tires they fly onto campus and fight the terrible enemy to the best of their ability. Heated and passionate, they undertake a battle that is unfathomable to most plebeians.

However, they are underprepared — and quickly overwhelmed. Mother Nature has the force of 100 million strong men, and She is able to wreak havoc. Not only does She have snow in Her arsenal, but She has a secret weapon… warming temperatures and the possibility of rain. The grounds crew frantically checks their weather app, trying to predict Her next move — however, it is to no avail. The usual weather-fighting tactics are useless, snow blowing is futile, staircases shine with ice, visibility is low and ramps are treacherous X-Games slides. With a desolate sigh, the call is made to draw back the troops for the day. Mother Nature and students alike smile sneakily. For today, Mother Nature has won, and the students are this much closer to winning a day off school.