Feeling Extra Rebellious Whitman Student Steals a Chair From Tennis Tournament, Sets it in the Middle of Ankeny, Sits on it, Runs Away.

Maddie Ott, Interested in Narcotics and Black Market Frisbees

The anticipation of the kill, the thrill of the chase, the satisfaction of accomplishing the hunt is all crucial aspects of surviving in this harsh world. Much like the biological drive to hunt and catch prey, the stereotypical rebellious Whitman student can also feel that innate burning desire to go in for the kill. 

Staring whimsically at the field he twitches with excitement. The prospect of stealing a chair from the tennis tournament becomes a more concrete notion. A chair; a whole chair, it has the potential to launch him into legendary status. Charles Mason, the Queen of England’s pet dogs, Mark Zuckerberg, and now him… an ordinary suburban white boy seeking attention and credit from his buddies.

He waits until dark. Racing across Ankeny adrenaline pounds in his ears. His rebellious act is about to be fulfilled. He knows that he is about to go down in Whitman history. Snatching one of the black folding chairs from the line of other black folding chairs he rustles with his prey until he can successfully secure it under his arm.

His friends gasp in disbelief, the chair has been caught. Proudly, he trots into the middle of Ankeny. With a dramatic flourish, he unfolds the chair, pauses, and then sits in it. He revels in his catch. This is a night done well.

And with a final dramatic touch, he stands up and walks away, leaving his steal in the middle of Ankeny for all to puzzle the next day. He feels glory, pure untouched glory, for tomorrow he will look upon Ankeny and smile to himself knowing how the lonesome black, folding chair was taken.

In many years he might retell the story to his young kids, but for now, the story just rests in his heart. Rest in Peace John Cena, we can all see you now.

Comic by Nathaly Perez