Administration Thrilled to Start Extermination After Squirrel Finally Bites and Kills Student

Maddie Ott, Rejected Craisin

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Spring is here! It is time to kill the squirrels. There is no better time to start a murdering rampage than the ripe month of April. With a deep sigh of relief Kathy Murray and Juli Dunn saddled up their horses, cocked their guns and wandered off into the forest of Ankeny field. With looks of passionate, heated revenge they stroked their wild horse beasts and began to hunt for their prey. They were embittered — it had not been more than four hours since the most recent squirrel attack victim had been rushed to the student health center with a huge, gaping wound. However, the more pressing matter at hand was the fact that the squirrel population was running rampant, and the administration was still thirsting for blood. With glinting eyes, and consciousnesses of steel, Dunn and Murray pursued a pair of squirrels. With no remorse Murray shot one dead. Grabbing it by the tail, Dunn and Murray quickly hurried the corpse back to Memorial building where a stockpile of dead squirrels was being collected.

“Got another one for you Kazi,” Murray whispered as she anxiously glanced at Kazi Joshua who was crouched in full on Gollum position in the corner of the room.

“Ah yes, thank you Kathy,” he murmured back, “I only need about four or five more skins until I can finish my squirrel-fur cape.” He stoked the cape next to him which appeared like it had been hastily patched together with super glue.

“We are on it!” The girls called, as they rushed back into the morning light.

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