The Pioneer regrets that, after a weekend-long convention focused on the importance of social media and breaking news, the Associated Collegiate Press failed to publish a list of award winners until Tuesday morning after the convention, thus making the entire staff wait with anticipation to confirm that we won more trophies.
The Pioneer also regrets the amount of time it takes the Associated Collegiate Press to mail your trophies to you if you’re unable to stay for the convention awards ceremony. Just because we live in the middle of nowhere doesn’t mean we don’t need trophies for secret transfer-of-power rituals involving tequila.
Editor-in-Chief Rachel Alexander regrets that, due to her conflicted loyalties, this year was the first in four years in which The Pioneer did not have school bond election results online before the Walla Walla Union-Bulletin. She does not regret the fact that her job at the Union-Bulletin pays an hourly wage.
Rachel also regrets that vehicles owned by members of The Pioneer‘s staff appear to be incapable of going on a trip without breaking down.
Sports Editor Tristan Gavin regrets that, in spite of his charming smile, his headshot and bio on the staff page of the Pio‘s website has yet to garner him a single date.
Web Editor Blair Hanley Frank regrets the continued popularity of the “Take it Slow While Dating Chinese Girls” column among the Pio website’s traffic from Google, as it keeps bumping current issue articles out of the popular posts list.
Backpage Editor Kyle Seasly and photographer Faith Bernstein regret the editorial decision not to publish the entirety of junior Molly Simonson’s naked ass on the Backpage for the “Top 5 Places to Poop on Campus” article. Rachel regrets being such a killjoy, though she maintains that the angry emails would not have been worth it. Probably.
News Editor Karah Kemmerly regrets that she has lost her wit. More specifically, she regrets that she has been usurped by the likes of Web Editor Blair Hanley Frank on the Pioneer staff quote board.
Sex columnist Spencer Wharton regrets applying to the single position most likely to look suspicious when dating the editor-in-chief.
Web Content Editor Shelly Le regrets that editing Spencer’s Sexcetera column has opened a new world for her.
ASWC President Kayvon Behroozian regrets consuming one of Rachel’s chocolate chip cookies that one time she brought them to the Phi house over the summer, as they have now become an all-consuming obsession in his life, and she still won’t give him the recipe.
The Pioneer‘s production and editorial staff regrets that Production Manager Sean McNulty’s music would be better suited to accompany the birth of a whale than to inspire staff productivity on production night.
The Pioneer‘s editorial and production staff regret that our list of regrets is compromised by the lack of inside jokes on staff this year. They do not regret that finishing production before midnight every week this semester has resulted in less time to create inside jokes.
Rachel and News Editor Emily Lin-Jones regret that it took Whitman’s Department of Communications over a month to publish the fact that they won national college journalism awards. They do not regret writing about the problems with Whitman’s approach to racial diversity or its handling of sexual assault cases, even if said articles portrayed the college in a less-than-flattering light.
