Whitman Wire

Animated Whitman Statues Become “Liberal Arts”

Lane Barton

April 7, 2016

The term “liberal arts” has a new meaning at Whitman after reports of campus sculptures moving about unrestrained across Ankeny Field during spring break. Although all photographs and video recordings have been destroyed by the Communications Office for “depicting an imperfect representation of ...

Trunk and Supporters Storm Convention

Adam Heyman, Opinion Editor

April 1, 2016

Cleveland, Ohio (AP)–On Thursday the 21 of July presidential candidate and business magnate Richard Trunk, known to his most ardent supporters as Dick Trunk, stormed out of the 2016 Republican national convention after a controversial rejection for the party candidacy, heading straight to a pre-scheduled...

In The News

April 1, 2016

THIS JUST IN: Parents just really think you should major in BBMB “Honey, your cousin Tim majored in Biology at the U, and he’s in med school now! And remember, there’ll always be sick people in the world to care for, but how long do you think there’ll be people willing to read your critical r...

Wilderness Expert Explains “Leave No Trace” Skills to Local Dog Walkers

Maggie Baker, Art Director

April 1, 2016

Whitman students are going above and beyond to teach wilderness skills in the Walla Walla community. “I go for walks around Walla Walla when I’m not backpacking in the Cascades, so, I guess I come out here occasionally,” says Wren Foley, a first-year and future Tamarac resident. In her spare...

Nukes All Around!

Nukes All Around!

April 1, 2016

The mushroom cloud. It’s glorious, with its distinctive, curled shape and its enormous size. Could there be a better end to the world? During World War II, when nuclear technology was just beginning to emerge, “Fat Man” and “Little Boy” obliterated almost eight square miles in Hiroshima and...

JK Prowling announces “History of Magic in the Middle East”

April 1, 2016

Hairy Plotter fans were stirred into a mad frenzy this week when JK Prowling, author of the popular fiction series, unexpectedly released a series of short articles describing the history of wizards in the Middle East. The Revisionist was blessed to receive a short excerpt to run as a preview in this...

Whitman Welcomes the Awesomely Cool Class of 2020!

Austin Biehl, staff writer

April 1, 2016

In the class of 2020, Whitman has once again attracted a homogenous group of down-to-earth, unpretentious, fun-loving, granola-chewing, Birkenstock-wearing, apathetic, White kids. Throughout high school, the overwhelming majority was not that involved, but DID know how to transform their mediocre lives int...

Off Campus Studies Office Announces Mandatory Study Abroad

Olivia Gilbert

April 1, 2016

In an effort to create leaders capable of operating in our increasingly interconnected world, the Off-Campus Studies Department announced this past Friday in a formal email a new graduation requirement. All Whitman students must, effective immediately, take part in a study abroad program at some point...

Interview with the EIC and Publisher

Interview with the EIC and Publisher

April 1, 2016

Every year at this time, the leaders of Revisionist go on the record about the joys of working for a campus newspaper. This year, we found Editor-in-Chief Sharra Hornet and publisher Maya Kay enjoying their favorite pass time, repeatedly explaining the definition of the words “newspaper” and “jour...

KWCW Show of the Week: Dance with the Devil

Eric Anderson, Staff Writer

April 1, 2016

He may delight in suffering and despair, but even Satan, Lord of Darkness, can sometimes feel weighed down by the pressure of his job. When that happens, the Father of Lies says there is no better relaxation than grooving to his favorite dance beats on the radio. "There just aren't that many great...

Club Disbands After Members Exhaust Dating Options

Martina Pansze

April 1, 2016

Following a press release on Tuesday, the Whitman Alpine Luge Team (WALT) will be disbanding indefinitely.

Missed Connections

News Section

April 1, 2016

Puking my heart out Where: TEK basement When: Friday, 1:30am You were on the far side of the basement. Our eyes met. I could tell this was something special, and I stumbled my way through the dancers. But as soon as I crossed the room and opened my mouth to speak, I vomited on your shirt. If yo...

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