KWCW Show of the Week: Dance with the Devil

When damnation seems like an eternity, the Lord of Darkness knows how to kick back with his favorite dance beats.

Eric Anderson, Staff Writer

He may delight in suffering and despair, but even Satan, Lord of Darkness, can sometimes feel weighed down by the pressure of his job. When that happens, the Father of Lies says there is no better relaxation than grooving to his favorite dance beats on the radio.

“There just aren’t that many great dance stations out there anymore,” asserted the Prince of the Devils. “You can always find tons of dance songs on the radio, but they’re always mixed into all the other pop junk. My goal with Dance with the Devil is to bring my favorite club hits into one show.”

The Angel of the Bottomless Pit, impaling several writing souls on a skewer as he spoke, mentioned that, despite popular perception, he is not a fan of hard rock or heavy metal. “I mean, I like some of the album covers–those are always very lovely, even if they don’t really capture my look all that well–but the music never got me. Much too rough. I barely even come up to the human world anymore. Every time I respond to someone’s call, they’re always playing Slayer or Slipknot or some other death metal band, and I’ve just never gotten into that stuff.”

The Lord of the Underworld went on to mention that he would never forgive the Rolling Stones for their utter desecration of his name. “As if I cared whatsoever about the Kennedys. Mick Jagger won’t be getting any sympathy from me, let me tell you.”

By contrast, however, a good dance rhythm has always appealed to Beelzebub. “Whenever I’m starting to feel tired of the whole eternal-damnation gig, I’ll just turn on some Eurythmics and let myself go. They’ve got such entrancing beats, and anytime I listen to them I just get a great feeling, like I don’t have a care in the underworld. And when I’m done I just feel so rejuvenated. I’ll just whip someone for hours on end, humming ‘Sweet Dreams (are Made of This).’ The original, of course.”

The Accuser of our Brethren mentioned that his definition of dance can be fairly broad at times, including some new wave and even disco, but is largely comprised of electronic dance music. “It varies from century to century of course. I almost gave up on dance after all those terrible danse macabres. But all this electronic stuff has really added new life to this genre of music. I just can’t get over it.”

Asked on why he chose to broadcast his new show at KWCW, of all places, the Crooked Serpent smiled and said “well, I figured all of you should get used to my kind of music. You’ll all be joining me soon enough, after all.” The Wicked One then proceeded to laugh maniacally as he roasted screaming souls on a spit, before loudly humming Snap!’s “The Power.”

“Dance with the Devil” airs on KWCW from 13:39 p.m. to 6:66 p.m. on Sundays. Radio users wishing to listen must calibrate their radios to receives signals backwards as all music is played in reverse. Viewers with sensitive eardrums should be aware that the music is occasionally punctuated by the screams of the damned.