I’m going to say this loudly for the people in the back: I LOVE FAT B*TCHES! And I’m not the only one! I searched for statistics to back me up, and I found that 1 in 10 men in the UK are attracted to heavier women. I couldn’t tell you the numbers for the perverts in America, but I’m willing to bet it’s exponentially higher. These days, though, the line between what’s fat and what’s slim is worryingly thin (haha).

After the body positivity movement of the 2010s, the beauty standards, circa now, have reverted back to traditionally conservative values. Now I’m not saying there’s a correlation between the trad-wife movement and social use of Ozempic, but… get real. That’s exactly what I’m saying.

What, women are supposed to be dainty and small? Look what you’ve done to them! They’re so fragile that a gust of wind—or a really determined hawk—could carry them off into the sky, never to be seen again. Get it the f*ck together! The shills pushing GLP-1s for clean, skeletal living don’t even know the long-term consequences of the medication.

Moreover, the people waxing poetic on classic, traditional femininity are praising a standard that doesn’t exist. It turns out that when you have greater access to food, housing and other comfort essentials… you gain weight! I can’t think of a single other animal that deprives itself of those necessities except the depressed whales of SeaWorld. Newsflash! Those whales killed themselves!

And my last and most critical point is as follows: skinny-modern is a trend, just like every other demand on the female body. During the European Renaissance, a rounder figure was the gold standard. Those great thinkers of ancient Greece also thought that thick women were where it was at. In more recent history, the 1940s and 1950s were full of bucksome women who certainly weren’t pumping their bodies full of freaky-deaky junk to lose weight.

So, a final message to all the “fat” b*tches out there—leave Ozempic to the trad-wives. You’re too hot for that shit.