Whitman Wire

Illustration by Anna Stone.

Whitman makes clothes optional during transition to nude university

Conor Bartol, Humblest Man on Earth April 21, 2022

Whitman College made the hasty decision to become mask-optional at the start of spring break. That choice has now come back to bite everyone in the ass as the school slams back into full masking mode....

Illustration by Kimberly Auran.

Class of 2026: By the numbers

Grace Canny, friend of someone who works for Admissions April 21, 2022

Whitman College wants to extend the warmest welcome to the class of 2026. These students have earned admission to our prestigious institution through their exceptional academic achievements and incredible...

Cold weather attributed to God, not climate change

Rachel Husband, teehee girl April 21, 2022

The strange weather of this past weekend has been attributed to the presence of God in the greater Walla Walla region. Snow, hail, sunshine and rain have been spotted on Whitman campus within a 24 hour...

Illustration by Madi Welch.

How to get over your spring allergies

Sammy Fitts, One of the Gays April 21, 2022

The earth tilted a degree and your entire immune system stopped working, so guess it must be spring. So you grabbed your five boxes of tissues to keep at your desk, filled your pockets with Allegra...

Illustration by Madi Welch.

Actors who should play Garfield instead of Chris Pratt

Sammy Fitts, “White Introverted Raunchy E-Girl” Writer November 18, 2021

Earlier this month it was announced that esteemed Mario voice actor, Chris Pratt, would also be the voice of America’s favorite orange cat: Heathcliff- I mean Garfield. There is obviously one major problem...

Illustration by Shasta Sholes.

Email leak reveals surprise candidate for Whitman’s new president

Ben Kearney, Checking my Emails constantly came in clutch November 18, 2021

An email leak from the Presidential Search Committee has accidentally revealed a surprise candidate in the race for Whitman's new president. While prospective applicants' identities were supposed to remain...

What you’ve missed on this season of the Great British Bake Off

Carmel Stephan, Moonlights as a college student (my real job is refusing to make eye contact) November 18, 2021

It’s that time of year again: fall is fading into winter, Thanksgiving break is nearing, the semester’s workload is no longer just heating up, but blasting your face like a furnace installed in the...

Short story competition canceled after submissions box flooded with sexual professor fantasies

Lee Thomas, Feature Writer November 18, 2021

This morning, twenty-three students came inside the Student Activities Center, protesting the recent cancellation of the Student Short Story Competition after 69 of the 70 submissions were revealed to...

Theatre Department’s Unique “Echo Chamber” Project Breaks Boundaries

Michelle Foster, Staff Writer April 6, 2017

Turning frustration and disagreement into a compelling and powerful theater production was Whitman student Lud Brito’s project in putting together “Echo Chamber.” The production is a play that utilizes...

Illustration by Claire Revere

“Art of the Deal” movie mocks Trump’s crass side

Michelle Foster, Staff Writer November 3, 2016

Political humor is at its most bizarre in the Funny or Die production, “Donald Trump’s The Art of the Deal: The Movie.” The film, released on Feb. 10, 2016, is a parody that highlights the absurdity...

Cryptid and BSU partner for Day of Action

Lachlan Johnson April 9, 2015

Cryptid Apparel, a student-run printing collective, and Whitman's Black Student Union (BSU) are organizing a day of action on police violence and modern racism to take place on Sunday, April 12. By using...

Seniors seek to secure careers

Jeremy Alexander April 9, 2015

Full-time employment is a challenge for many students, but a few lucky seniors in this year's graduating class have already secured prestigious jobs. Most Whitman graduates move to Seattle, Portland...

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Issue 9