Are you struggling to remember what classes you took last semester? Do you frequently find yourself begging others to search for your lost possessions on Yik Yak? Are you beginning to worry that your weed use is leading to serious, premature cognitive decline? Well, fear not! According to our survey of Whitman students, it’s totally not!

This week, our top researchers were on the ground at Whitman College to answer a question that weighs heavily on the hearts of college students around the world — how bad is weed for you, really? Upon our arrival on campus, we quickly found some students who were eager to discuss the issue with us. After they finished setting up their slackline, one of them explained their view on the positive effects of marijuana use.

“Me, I prolly hit the pen every day, but like, it definitely helps me focus and, like, think more creatively. The real problem is people who drink a lot, that shit is really bad for you. Like, who even knows what’s in it? Probably causes all kinds of problems… Sorry, what was the question?” the student said.

When asked about the potential for weed addiction, the students offered further reassurance. One young man interrupted his afternoon frisbee golf game to offer us a scientific perspective on the matter.

“You see, weed isn’t really addictive, and, like, even if it was, it’s a well-established scientific fact that addiction doesn’t count until you graduate college,” they said.

Others had a more nuanced view on the pros and cons of marijuana consumption. One young woman highlighted the importance of a balanced lifestyle.

“I’m not saying weed is great for you, but I don’t eat dairy and I meditated twice last week, so I’m pretty sure it cancels out,” the student said.

Overall, the students seem to agree on one thing – weed is really not that bad for you! So, if you were thinking about throwing away your carts, tossing out your bong or overall reevaluating your relationship with substance use, no need!