Whitman Wire

Illustration by Madi Welch.

The Epic of Myles

Carmel Stephan, Famed poet October 28, 2021

On All Hallow’s Eve at the banks of Bennington Lake, stands a lanky Coloradan and his friends. Lithe of limb but calloused and toned by beginner climbing classes, clad in chacos and a Patagonia...

Illustration by Paloma Link.

North Hall Haunted House cancelled after real phantom discovered

Conor Bartol, Professional Shenaniganizer October 28, 2021

Prior to its closure, North Hall, former hospital and first-year hell hole, was the site of the extremely scary annual haunted house on campus. Now that it’s open again, the haunted house is back on....

Illustration by Anika Vucicevic

We Started A Week Later And Everything Feels Weird Now

Maude Lustig, Spicy Meatball September 26, 2019

Welcome to the article, my children. Well, here we are. The bell tolls on another year at Whitman. The slow frivolous days of summer are slipping away into fall, and the pitter-patter of first-year feet...

Illustration by Abby Takahashi

Worst Fear Realized: My boyfriend broke up with me the day before Halloween so now we can’t do the couples costume we were planning

Ann Karneus, Corn on the Throb November 1, 2018

Hey y’all: just so you know, Halloween is officially cancelled this year. I might as well pull the fire alarm in TKE this weekend because if I can’t have fun, then no one can. This whole nightmare...

Senior Accidentally Schedules Job Interview for Halloween; Forgets; Has to go dressed as Sexy Benjamin Button

AE, Black Market Pumpkin Salesperson November 1, 2018

Xerxes Fullerton III presumed Halloween 2018 would be just like every other year. He was a man on his way: senior thesis nearly finished, a salaried job with a trusted bank all but secured, unparalleled...

Professor Asks Student Basic Questions About Last Night’s Reading

Maude Lustig, Bitch With A W November 1, 2018

“Can you summarize this article for all of us?” A chill runs down my spine at the very thought of those words. A sweat breaks out upon my brow. I look up for inspiration, down in desperation and left...

Mortified vegan accidentally swallows a gnat

CJ Fritz, Kitten Critic November 1, 2018

Carmen Allen stares out the climbing gym window, casting her forlorn gaze across Alder Street as she relives the tragic moment. She fiddles anxiously with a carabiner. As Allen recalls, it was 3:45...

Mom spends night in Jewett

Maddie Ott, Crab-on-the-Cob November 1, 2018

The moment has arrived. The dreaded question of the weekend. She, the mother, squares her shoulders and looks deep into her 18-year-old son’s eyes. Without hesitation she asks, “and where shall I sleep...

I fart too big & no one is nice about it

AQ, Candy Corn Guzzler October 31, 2018

My deepest fear, a re-occurring nightmare in fact, is being somewhere public with many or few people around me when I let out a horrible toot. A big honker. A whizzpopper so stinky, so loud and obvious...

Profile of Whitman Ghosts

Profile of Whitman Ghosts

Elena Aragon October 31, 2013

Spooky the Spooker - If you've ever spent late nights in the basement of Penrose Library, you are familiar with old Spooky, even if you don't know it! He travels throughout the rows of books, visits...

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