Whitman Wire

We Started A Week Later And Everything Feels Weird Now

We Started A Week Later And Everything Feels Weird Now

Maude Lustig, Spicy Meatball

September 26, 2019

Welcome to the article, my children. Well, here we are. The bell tolls on another year at Whitman. The slow frivolous days of summer are slipping away into fall, and the pitter-patter of first-year feet decks the halls. Yet this year we received an unexpected gift: an extra week of summer and the fu...

Worst Fear Realized: My boyfriend broke up with me the day before Halloween so now we can’t do the couples costume we were planning

Worst Fear Realized: My boyfriend broke up with me the day before Halloween so now we can’t do the couples costume we were planning

Ann Karneus, Corn on the Throb

November 1, 2018

Hey y’all: just so you know, Halloween is officially cancelled this year. I might as well pull the fire alarm in TKE this weekend because if I can’t have fun, then no one can. This whole nightmare started when I cheated on my boyfriend last week. I felt like super bad and stuff but was gonna wait...

Senior Accidentally Schedules Job Interview for Halloween; Forgets; Has to go dressed as Sexy Benjamin Button

Anneliese Ellingboe, Black Market Pumpkin Salesperson

November 1, 2018

Xerxes Fullerton III presumed Halloween 2018 would be just like every other year. He was a man on his way: senior thesis nearly finished, a salaried job with a trusted bank all but secured, unparalleled costume for October 31. The morning of Halloween, everything was going as planned. Fullerton III woke ...

Professor Asks Student Basic Questions About Last Night’s Reading

Maude Lustig, Bitch With A W

November 1, 2018

“Can you summarize this article for all of us?” A chill runs down my spine at the very thought of those words. A sweat breaks out upon my brow. I look up for inspiration, down in desperation and left and right for information--all for naught. Noticing my hesitation, the professor rephrases the que...

Mortified vegan accidentally swallows a gnat

CJ Fritz, Kitten Critic

November 1, 2018

Carmen Allen stares out the climbing gym window, casting her forlorn gaze across Alder Street as she relives the tragic moment. She fiddles anxiously with a carabiner. As Allen recalls, it was 3:45 p.m. on Sunday when she left her house, named The Carrot Crevice, for a jog. Dressed in running san...

Mom spends night in Jewett

Maddie Ott, Crab-on-the-Cob

November 1, 2018

The moment has arrived. The dreaded question of the weekend. She, the mother, squares her shoulders and looks deep into her 18-year-old son’s eyes. Without hesitation she asks, “and where shall I sleep tonight Cody? I am fine sleeping on the floor, but I am also comfortable sharing the bed with you.” ...

I fart too big & no one is nice about it

Ashlyn Quintus, Candy Corn Guzzler

October 31, 2018

My deepest fear, a re-occurring nightmare in fact, is being somewhere public with many or few people around me when I let out a horrible toot. A big honker. A whizzpopper so stinky, so loud and obvious it can't be covered by the classic squeaky shoe gimmick or smelt it dealt blame game. No doubt am I t...

Profile of Whitman Ghosts

Profile of Whitman Ghosts

Elena Aragon

October 31, 2013

Spooky the Spooker - If you've ever spent late nights in the basement of Penrose Library, you are familiar with old Spooky, even if you don't know it! He travels throughout the rows of books, visits the archives and lounges in Café 41. Not often seen above the first floor, he occasionally travels up the elevator with a student just to do some li...

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