As spring semester slowly reaches its climax, seniors work tirelessly to submit their thesis final drafts. Dozens of stressed, soon-to-be-alums fill the library. Most of them are there to do some sort of research, but one student has a different motive.

Senior politics major Wanda List has decided to, in the interest of future job security, get a head start in training.

“I originally wanted to be a civil rights lawyer,” says List, “but that market is shrinking, so I think I’m going to go the career politician route instead.”

List’s thesis topic mirrors this passion for political strategy. The title of their thesis is [REDACTED]. According to List, it is a commentary and investigation into the protection of free speech and expression under the current administration — which, they say, includes their right to freely speak louder than, and at the same time, as others’ speech.

In a behind-the-scenes exclusive, we were able to get this excerpt from her first draft (please be respectful of this snipbit, as it is an unedited draft and will likely undergo many edits before submission).

“. . . *********** the *********, which *********. Given ******, ********* Donald Trump *********. . . . ”

When first approached with this idea, List’s advisor wasn’t sure about the idea. They worried it would be too easy for a thesis, as it is “mostly black boxes.” But List quickly assured them that she had written every word on the page, it was just blacked out.

When asked about what research went into creating this masterful project, List said, “I got my practice in by going into the Whitman Archives with a black Sharpie and just crossing sh*t out — it’s honestly pretty easy!”

Some concerns around campus have been raised regarding this method. They worry that someone might want to read the archives and won’t be able to due to List. However, this will only be a problem if people know how to read.

From plummeting literacy rates to tolerating the Sharpie smell, we are entering a new era of politics. This means it’s up to our generation to figure out how to milk that cashcow dry.