Skeleton has no BODY to go to the dance with


Illustration by Elena Kaminskaia

Maude Lustig, Three Stomachs

Awww, how sad 🙁 This skeleton has no BODY to go to the dance with (get it?). One month ago the skeleton made a very public prom-posal to Jennifer Beef, the most popular girl in the senior class. They filled her locker with dirt and loose rocks before school. When Jennifer opened the locker, the rocks and dirt came tumbling out, revealing a tiny cat skeleton with the word “PROM?” spelled out with the rib cage. Jennifer buckled under the pressure of such a public display and agreed to go with the skeleton. Later, once they were in private, however, Jennifer confessed that she was actually grossed out by the skeleton’s “decomposing smell and stray bits of flesh.”

The skeleton, though heartbroken, decided to attend the dance with friends, insisting that “it would actually be more fun that way.” The skeleton jangled their bones on the dance floor for a few songs before deciding they’d had enough. The skeleton went back home to their crypt, where their parents assured them “things would be different in college.” Brrr, cold comfort.