Whitman administrator caught “red-dotting”

Kyle Seasly

It’s springtime and love is in the air. At least that’s what a Whitman administrator kept shouting last weekend when she showed up to an all-campus party, followed by, “Let’s do one more shot!”

The administrator, who will remain unnamed, broke several campus rules when she decided to attend an all campus party hosted at one of Whitman’s fraternities. Then she went on to encourage various types of “red-dotting,” including at one point dressing up in an actual red dot costume, and calling the green dot policy “liberal [expletive].”

“I was scared,” said one freshman female. “She kept poking me in the chest and telling me to ‘embrace life’ when I wouldn’t take a shot with her . . . I was just trying to be a good sober roamer.”

After perhaps one too many drinks, the Whitman administrator hit the dance floor, where she kept doing the Kid Rock’s “Cowboy” dance and attempting to rope freshman boys in, no matter what the song.

“She kept tossing that imaginary lasso around my neck to get me to dance with her. After I denied her a couple times she somehow managed to obtain a real lasso,” said one sophomore male. “Doesn’t she know ‘no means no?'”

The administrator finally left the party after she did a keg stand and puked on the dance floor. Although she kept claiming, “The health center is for [expletive],” several students managed to walk her there.

The administration declined to comment.