Silly Squirrely Facts

Tabor Martinsen

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Ever wanted to know more about the furry-tailed rodents that plague our campus so adorably? Here the Backpage has set out to edify the masses as to what's true about squirrels and what's not true about squirrels.

Fact: When born, squirrels are naked, toothless and blind . . . In other words, not much
different than most people's grandpas.
Myth: "Chipmunk" is not a synonym of "squirrel."
How to love your squirrel: Don't let it play in plastic bags.
How to kill your squirrel: Let it play in plastic bags.
Fact: Some college students take advantage of desensitized squirrels by "punting" them
away when they approach.
Myth: On some college campuses "squirrel punting" is considered an intramural sport
How to love your squirrel: Give it nuts.
How to kill your squirrel: Hit it with a car
Fact: The Great Acorn war of 1843 involved the native squirrels of Central Park with the
immigrant squirrels from Jersey.
Myth: Squirrels only eat acorns.
How to love your squirrel: Give it a free subscription of "Squirrel Girls" or "Slippery, Squirmy
and Squirrely."
Fact: Every male squirrel, whether he will admit it or not, at one time in his life had a
crush on Sandy from SpongeBob.
Myth: Squirrels are recluses.
How to love your Squirrel: Rub the underside of its chin until it squeals.
How to kill your squirrel: Choke it until it squeals.
Fact: Squirrels have over 50 different variations of the term "Did you tap that?"
Myth: Squirrels' favorite weed is "Cali Kush."
How to love your Squirrel: Coddle their furry tails.
How to kill your squirrel: Tell it to collect the supple acorns at the bottom of your pool.
Fact: Squirrels cannot swim.
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